I need help before year 12 starts

[donnie123]

Hi im Tom, turning 17 in about 2 days, relationships suck, and no i dont mean to overstep my boundaries because by no means have i experienced any pain or anguish as these divorcees and widows, but i need help, this seems a while back now but back in april i broke up with my girlfriend, why? because she was ill, in the head, she was horrible, and yet i loved her and cared for her and ill i wanted to do was make her happy, as it would appear i do right now. so theres one main issue what do i do with that, she hates me, and uses guys just for fun.

My next problem is something a little bit worse, after being servely hurt from the breakup i decided to go for a "rebound" and yes its a horrible idea to get over someone, but something ended up going wrong and i got a girl pregnant, yes yes im horrible and deserve to die, since then she has got an abortion and everything is gone now, but this whole year my friends hate me , everyone hates me, everyone calls me names because the girl i had a half a year relationship was 1 1/2 years younger??! , and with the pregnant things schools just gotten so much worse and i have no clue what to do.

To anyone who actually took the time to read this, you are special and amazing and you are worth every bit of love people give you 🙂

[Croix]

Dear Tom~

Welcome back, I've read your other thread at:

Forums / Young people / I'm lonely and sad. here's my story lol

and can understand, ever to some extent sympathize.

I'm not going to get into the blame game, I'm simply going to talk about the facts.

When you are 16 you are a surprisingly fragile human - I was and just about everyone that age will be, even if they appear otherwise. I expect that includes your ex, the one that started this off. Unlike older people you do not have experience, you have to learn by doing, and you had the misfortune of falling for a girl who did not return your feelings, but was a user.

It is an indication of the depth of you feelings you still half want to please here.

When hurt like that seeking out another straight away is understandable, even if not wise. You had a half year relationship with someone who was too young, she became pregnant, and then had an abortion.

I hope that she has proper loving support from her family and is able to come to terms with the matter, I expect it might take a long time.

This is the important bit, the bit you learn from so you are wiser and handle your pain in a different way next time you are hurt.

No, you are not horrible, and no you do not deserve to die. You deserve to reflect and work out a better path for the future.

The fact you are not treated well as school is not surprising, and will hurt a lot, it sounds like those kids too have things to learn.

You asked what you have to do. OK, you look at the whole thing from an adult perspective. If people ostracize you or call you names hang on until they get sick of it. If you are hurt again you ask for help, trying not to hurt others.

May I ask if your parents or school know abut all this? I'd like to know before saying more.

You will be welcome back here in any case

Croix

[donnie123]

hey thanks for the reply, didnt think i would get one, you are being honest and thats the best you could do, and you are 100% right, but no parents do not know unfortunately and i do not feel up to opening up with them as they will put down and swat away any problems, and im not sick enough to a counselor so that is why i have arrived, here, have a nice day n:)

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Tom,

I'm so glad you're getting some support from the forums, and I've only read this post and not your other one, but hopefully I can give you a bit of support too.

Croix is absolutely spot on here. You don't at all deserve to die, and while it was a kinda bad thing to happen, it doesn't mean that you're a bad person. There's a big difference. I know it sounds cliche, but you have a real opportunity here to take care of yourself and your feelings and make different decisions. We all learn by doing, and all of us make mistakes - especially the ones you think have it all figured out.

I hope that by sharing this you can cut yourself a little bit of slack, and for what it's worth, there's no "sick enough" criteria to see a counsellor. People can see them for anything. Sometimes just the stress of year 12 can be 'good enough' to see a counsellor, let alone the stuff that you've had to put up with too.

rt

[Croix]

Dear Donnie123~

Thanks for coming back, I'd be surprised if are sick in any mental health sort of way, but are sick at heart, with loneliness, isolation and regret. I would be too, I was no saint as a kid.

Being isolated with nowhere you think you can turn is a horrible way to be. Are both your parents like you described, or is one more likely to just listen and try to understand?

As RT says, you do not have to be sick to see a counselor, though if the school does not know about the matter it might be better to talk or web-chat elsewhere. The Kid's Help Line is a pretty good place and are very used to all sorts of problems.

https://www.kidshelpline.com.au/ or 1800 55 1800. Talking with those who are sensible and sympathetic can be a real comfort.

Can I ask what is the hardest thing to deal with at the moment?

Croix

[white knight]

Hi Tom,welcome

At 17yo I joined the Air Force and everyone was older than me. They kept telling me to grow up but years later I realised, you can rush that process.

Nor can you cease making mistakes overnight, so you’ll despise yourself for making them. This all downloads to loathing yourself when, you cannot be responsible for being who you are, not quite an adult.

So my message is to not be too hard on yourself. All us adults likely including your parents did unwise actions at your age.

It isn’t the action that is the problem it’s not repeating the action that is.

You can’t change the past but you can mould your future. It’s really gratifying to read a young mans story of him trying to improve himself. Time heals and your school friends will move on from you as their topic of fun.

A thread you might find helpful in how to deal with mistakes follows. Use google

beyondblue topic who cries over spilt milk?

TonyWK

[Aaronsis]

Hi Tom

I am so very glad that you have been able to reach out here, I can hear how frustrated and how overwhelmed you are and I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. Sure, you experienced a situation that was pretty scary and I am sure very emotional and frightening, this is called life and you most certainly do not need to die...ever.

It was very caring of you to write that even though your ex has mental illness that you still loved and cared for her, I am so very proud of you to see that a person is not their mental illness and that they too deserve love and affection. I am so sorry that she was mean and horrible to you but you still wanted to make her happy, this is so very wonderful that at 17 you have the emotional intelligence that you do.

Having to experience the pregnancy and then the termination is so very much to deal with, for anybody let alone a young adult, and while you mention that you are not "sick" enough to need counselling, might I suggest that you do not wait until you are "sick" and that you perhaps get some support around this experience in your life. It would be great to have some tools in place to manage this and to stop it coming up in your future as "unresolved issues". Just something to think about Tom.

I am horrified that you have had to experience the pain and the issues with school people calling you names and that school has become so difficult for you. Might I suggest though that while it is hurtful now, my experience with this sort of thing is you will be the flavour of the month until the "next big thing" happens and soon their attention will be on some other poor person. Does it help now..no..but it will not be like this forever and why someone to chat to would be wonderful.

I can recommend the people at Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800, please give them a call, they are so very wonderful and are professionals and can really make this time better for you.

Tom, thank you for your caring words at the end of your post, you need to know too that you are so very caring and you are a wonderful human too, we all make mistakes in life and this is one you have learnt a big lesson from, you are still a very good person.

Huge hugs to you Tom

Sarah xxxx

[MissBenthos]

Hi Tom,

You deserve as much love as the next person. Try not to compare your pain with that of others, your emotions are valid and worthy of addressing, regardless of what's caused them. We all make mistakes, even as adults, it's part of the human condition.

I agree with Aaronsis' advice about school, it sucks though, I hope it gets better for you soon.

You sound like a lovely person sharing so much kindness for those around you, I hope you can extend some of that compassion and forgiveness to yourself.

All the best xo

[smallwolf]

Hi Donnie

Just tagging for the moment. I could tell you a story involving my son, and will leave that for later. You deserve love and support just as much as the next person. Chat to you a bit later.

Tim

[smallwolf]

My son finished high school last year. The year before that he was dating someone. The problem was that another person starting spreading stories about my son. In the end he lost all his friends. All he did was go out with someone. It happened one day that I was speaking with someone that worked at the school and they hinted that boys should not bother dating while at school because it does not take much to go against them. Of course I am giving you the summarised version of the story but parts of your story are not that uncommon unfortunately.

The emotional pain is real - people who were once your friends abandon you for no real reason. And if you try to make it right, you are still wrong?

So what can you do?

Does literally everyone in your school hate you and tease you?

Can you find a new set of friends? (This is what my son had to do in the end. It was/is not easy.)

If there was another person at your school in the same position as you, how would you treat them? Most (?) people try to hide the negative stuff and present a positive front only. From your initial post, it sounded like you genuinely cared for this other person. Don't lose that part of you and try to apply to yourself.

For what it is worth... myself and the other posters here will listen to you - we have mostly been there in different forms.

Tim