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I Miss my Wife
Me and my wife have just recently separated we have been married for a little over a year now but been together for close to 11 years. After being together for about 6 years my brother moved in with and my girlfriend. Due to me investing so much time in work and not being apart of home life anymore my wife and I decided to separate. Shortly after me leaving my girlfriend formed a relationship with my brother. This continued on for about 6 months. During this 6 months my girlfriend fell pregnant to my brother but decided that its not something she wants to go through with and terminated the child and the relationship. Over the next few months we decided that we were going to give it another shot so we started couples counseling. After about 2 years, after the situation she fell pregnant to my 3 childshortly after that we got married. I still carry a lot of insecurities from those times. I find it hard to listen to certain music ( matchbox 20, my brother absolute favorite band as it used to be playing in my house all the time during their relationship ). Also I suffer from nightmare almost flashbacks from what was seen and heard during that time. This is the reason why my wife has left this time she says I am controlling because she feels like she has to censor what she watches or listens to as it upsets me. 2 days before my wife left me I found out that she has been snapchatting a male friend and she said this has been going on for a few weeks now they talk everyday. This is he first time I have heard about this bloke so I questioned her about it and this made her more angry saying the only reason why its an issue is because he is a male and that it is just a friend. 2 days before wife left me she said she has been unhappy for a round 6 months now, in this time we have gone on family holidays romantic getaways with just us and nothing has been said to me about her being unhappy in anyway I honestly thought the last 6 months was one of the most happiest times in our relationship. When we are alone its like nothing has ever changed we hug we kiss we sleep together. Ive asked her on many occasion why can it happen behind closed doors but not in public. Throughout this 2weeks I have asked her many times if things can be fixed her response is I don't know yet I need time to think. I am finding it so hard to process all of this with the affection behind closed doors to the continuing every single day snapchatting relationship with this bloke.
l'm sorry but l can't see it fixable, she just doesn't seem to be feeling enough for it to work.Not even in what you felt was a beautiful 6mths. And she got with your brother of all people and now shes messing round with someone else. Those alone but the brother in particular obviously is about as disrespectful to you as she could be, yet now she's doing it again. Of course you would have trouble getting past it but now you have two to get past. You couldn't and l think you shouldn't even try at this point.
l'm afraid you need to get her off that pedestal because sorry to say but this is definitely not a woman deserving of it or of you pining over her. l'm sorry but l don't think you should even consider getting back with her or trusting her again . l'd think you need to break of this cycle now, look forward and start rebuilding your own life . There are plenty of loyal loving and genuine women out there far more worthy of your love and of building a life together and one day down the track you will meet one of them .
welcome to this thread and thanks for sharing your story.
It is a complicated story and from her last behaviour you may need to consider if she will change,
She seems to be hurting you and confusing you. I see you have strong feelings for her but is it worth the way she behaves and upsets you.
It is your decision. If the person was just a friend why would she keep it a secret.
After how she behaved with your brother it would seem sensible fir you to watch her behaviour.
what would you like to happen .?
Welcome to bb and thank you for sharing your story.
I'm really sorry that you're having such a tough time with your wife. I really admire your ability to forgive and your commitment to your marriage. However, I think it's time to focus on yourself and consider if your relationship is meeting your needs.
I don't think it's controlling to ask your wife to avoid triggering your mental health issues with music, etc. I have a child with a mental health condition and every member of our family has adjusted certain behaviours to help her from time to time. It's called love and support.
I also think it's reasonable to ask about the guy she is Snapchatting with. It may all be innocent but it's ok to ask.
What troubles me about her responses and behaviour is that she shows a disregard for your feelings and a blindness to the context around your concerns. I feel like she could give a lot more.
Perhaps try backing off. Give her time and space and see if she comes to you. Sometimes people don't realise what they've got until it's gone.
But, if I were you, I would use the time to really think about if you want her back. Perhaps a few sessions with a counsellor would help you better evaluate the situation. Start by talking with your GP to find the right mental health practitioner to assist you.
Kind thoughts to you
I think you're an incredibly kind and thoughtful man. Of course, it's entirely possible that there's a mental health issue at play.
I hope that your wife will consider your suggestion.
Kind thoughts to you