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I'm very lonley..
My girlfriend and I drifted apart over a series of months. At the beginning we were very close. Always together or if we weren't she would call several times a day message each other back and forth constantly. After living alone for so many years I appreciated that she wanted to be there for me constantly and wanted my attention. But while she was around me her phone would ring constantly and it would be her other 'guy' friends calling. She would sit there right in front of me and let them flirt with her she made no aptempt to stop them you could hear their sleezy voices on the other end of the phone. Sometimes they would call while we were in bed. Soon enough she was spending time alone with these friends instead of me. I tried to confront her about it and tell her how worried I was how obvious what was going on and I was not going to stand for it. It would always cause an argument and the answer back always was how special her friends were to her and nothing was going to get in the way of it. I never felt so low in my life. She told me these guys were telling her to leave me. I could not understand how you could say these things back to somebody that is your partner. It was gut wrenching to hear.
I allowed this behaviour to continue and stayed in the relationship for several months feeling humiliated ashamed all the way. Naturally our intermate life does right off we spent less and less time together spoke less and less. In the end I fell asleep after work exhausted one Friday night. We were supposed to spend the night together. I awoke at 2am in a panic realising she wasent there. She would only come to see me weekends by that stage sometimes once a week. I missed her terribly everyday. Put my head in the sand ignored what I thought was going on but we bickered constantly about it which only drove us further apart.
The last Friday I fell asleep after work we were supposed to be spending the night together. When I awoke I panicked and messaged her. There was no reply. I had to work the next Saturday morning we had planned to go Christmas shopping that day. I spoke to her when I finally was allowed to go at 1pm after having an argument with my boss to get out. By this stage I was feeling very uneasy and stressed I was really wrapped in this girl and was so worried I did not sleep at all after I woke up without her.
She was angry with me over the phone would not accept my apology and finally told me she was sick of me and she was too busy to talk because she was out doing the Christmas shopping we had planned to do together with a friend. I was so upset I'm ashamed but I was in tears all weekend. Tried over and over to message and call her to apologize try to put things right but the most I hear back was she didn't know how things were going to be the same.
I could not understand the lack of compassion or understanding for something that I was terribly upset over happening and upset there was no compassion or understanding that it was an accident a mistake. I literally sat down after working 10 hours straight fell asleep and did not get to see her all weekend. I was looking forward to it all week. She said she couldn't wait to see me when I last spoke to her after work. When she said she was sick of me the next morning I lost my close companion from that point onwards that had been there for me night and day for months. That I could share anything. My close friend and girlfriend was list to me after that point.
That Sunday night I tried to talk to her one last time but it ended in an argument when she told me I had to respect her friend. And I could only be her friend now. I swore quite a few times with that name next to it. She blocked me on everything from that point onwards. That was it.
I have been in a downward spiral ever since. Quit my job the next day. Spend the next few weeks trying to get in touch with her as I could not understand how we could be so close at the end of the previous week and by end of the weekend never want to see me talk to me or acknowledge we ever had anything together. She put me down so much to everybody in her support circle that weekend to the point where everybody known to her was under the impression I'm some sort of abusive partner for the squabbles we had where we had barley raised our voices. Squabbles started over her taking the relationship we had and spending her time and affection with her guy friends. Which hurt so much.
The whole expierence has put me into a deep depression. I rarely leave the house. Picked up a eating disorder and eat one meal every couple of days. I haven't worked in two months now can't concentrate on anything. I am now two weeks behind on my rent and have been issued a notice to leave and am selling my car tommorow to pay that rent. I just walk so slowly around my home all day head slumped feeling that pain in my chest. I often cry out just make it stop. I don't feel like myself anymore. I am convinced like she says I am a bad person all the people around her were right and don't deserve anything good in life. And still I miss her company despite of the horrible expierence I have just been through and trying to accept that I ment so little to her that she could do this. Trying to accept somebody I once loved could show me such coldness or anybody could do this to another human being.
I feel so guilty and responsible everyday and this is third time I have been left for somebody known to them or cheated on. 3 times in a rowthis has happened. The one before her lied about her parents being in an accident and having to move to take care of her mother in a wheel chair. I later found out they were on holidays whole time it never happened. She went back to her ex. She didn't want to tell me.
First time my girlfriend walked in the room next to me and locked the door with my best friend in it. Cheated on me right there in the next room.
The hurt has compounded so much now I have lost intrest in life itself. I'm not self harming and suisidal I know I have to live with it all these things forever it hurts so much everyday. I live alone and each day it gets harder lonlyier longer. More confusing. This world does not make sense to me anymore. I can't see any good in life anywhere now.
Hello Llv, thanks for coming to the site.
What you have told us must be so disappointing for you and even though it's been only a few days to you, it's a long time to try and cope with what's been happening.
For this to leave you struggling at home, made you quit your job and has disrupted your daily life where you are barely looking after yourself means a decision needs to be made regarding whether or not you want to pursue her relationship.
With all the ongoing remarks made to her by other people, she may believe them if they are offering other incentives that she believes may come true, which may be completely different in your current situation.
I can't tell you what to do, but having her in the next room with somebody else should stop, either saying it's not going to happen or telling her that you can't let this happen, she needs to make a decision it's either being with you or with them.
Whether she has changed because of them means that doesn't have the sympathy for you at the moment, which isn't your fault but only cares for whatever else she has been promised.
Please remember there are other people out there who would be willing to have you as a close friend but you will need someone who is capable of convincing you this, so please keep posting on here and can I suggest you also see your doctor.
We want to help you overcome this.
I'm so sorry to hear this has happened to you and you are feeling this way. I understand what you mean about someone who claimed to love you being suddenly cold. A similar thing happened to me. Do you have family or other friends you could reach out to? Maybe even someone who could come and stay with you for a while so that you can feel less lonely? Maybe even think about getting a flatmate who can help with the rent. I understand you are not ready for that probably and need more time to process. Maybe in a little while.
I agree with Geoff that it would be helpful for you to see your doctor as they will be able to direct you to people and services which can help you deal with this situation and they way you are feeling right now. I want to assure you that there are kind and decent people in the world who would not treat others in this way and I'm so sorry you have had to experience those who are not.
This week bI start getting things back on track start eating 3squares a day . Back into gym trainning and land a new job. Starting to feel better. Just. Physically yes but mentally the second the activity stops I'm just my same self feeling sad to the out of my stomach.
You think I would be out of the hole. Money can't buy happiness bother can being fit make you feel better mentally or mend a broken heart but taking steps day by day doing all the right things. But halfway through a trainning session I get a call from my ex. She is telling me a lot of things about our relationship I start apologiseing for knowing I'm wasting my time to make her feel better. She hadn't spoken to me in a week before that. Tells me she expected a ring in a year and a half. Which is insane. Even with my expierence would tell you true love is the only reason to get married. True love forever and marriage are all things that go together in my book. But I humour her saying if she had have stayed you never know what would have happened. There was a lot of back and forth about relationship. I just listened as I'm not sure her intentions of calling wether she felt bad on the day and needed to talk about it. She then tells me she's found a new boyfriend their spending quite a bit of time together and she is finally living happiness and joy in her life. Was pretty much biggest kick in the guts on top of everything I have been through. To tell me I never brought her happiness which contradicts how close been were in the end anyway. We would talk day and night times we weren't together and be in each other's arms when we were. I could also pick it up on her behaviour around me and it had changed dramatically in the end we had gone through so much and were so close. So I was shattered when she left the things I went through after and now hearing this is exactly the last things I need to hear at a time I just struggle to my feet. I went home from trainning and messaged her back saying I was changing all my details because I didn't want to talk to her anymore. Anytime I speak to her I get hurt. I can't take it anymore.
Thanks for sharing whats happening for you. Sounds like you're struggling with missing your former partner and the heartache you feel. Youre not alone, separation from someone you loved very much is never easy for anyone.
Some of what youve said makes us concerned about your well being right now though, so we're reaching out to you privately (check your inbox). You're also welcome to reach our support service directly on 1300 22 4636 or online.
If you feel at any time that you are unable to keep yourself from acting on unsafe urges of suicide or self harm, then this is an emergency and it's important that you contact 000 (triple zero) straightaway.
It sounds like you are doing everything you can to try to get over this person and I admire you for that because I know how hard it is to do. Then, just as you are starting to maybe feel a little bit better she phones you and says hurtful and mean things. I'm not sure why she would be doing that if she has moved on - maybe she just wants to 'win' or is justifying her actions. Blocking her is, in my opinion, the absolutely best thing you can do for your own wellbeing at this point. Just go totally 'no contact' including social media and the rest of it. In my experience every contact was like two steps backward after I had made one step forward.
From your posts it sounds also that it has been some time (maybe a year?) since this all happened initially and I wanted to say that it can take some people more time than others to get over these things - it is a grieving process. I'm close to two years now and I'm still processing. I'm also moving forward step by step and feeling much better than when it first happened. I'm telling you this so that you know it can be done and it does get better.
Try not to dwell on how she has behaved, her actions, what she has said and done. That's something you can't control and you kind of just have to accept that those were her choices. What you can control is how you react and what you do to help yourself feel better.
Hopefully, your new job will give you the opportunity to meet new people and make new friendships and then who knows what might happen. I hope you keep up with the self-improvement and other activities that distract you from your thoughts about her because even some time away from thinking about her is better than no time, those times will get longer in duration and then eventually you won't be thinking about her hardly at all. Sounds impossible right? It's not - just keep doing positive and busy things for yourself until you get there.
Come back and talk anytime you need to Liv. My best wishes to you.