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I'm the mother who

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I'm the mother who seems to know what I've wanted for my children. Since the kids were little I've placed lots of value on their well being. I'm the mother who has placed emphasis strict bed routines, screened viewing materials on tv for suitability, limited 'tech' time, invested time listening to and hearing about school days, provided a setting allowing suitable down time, taken great interest spending time listening, engaged in bush walks, bike rides and cuddled up on Saturday nights with a movie. I'm known to my children as a little quirky, a side they love. My kids are growing up, their needs change and I'd like to coast alongside them and tap into those needs guiding and supporting. I'm the least person people would think fits the catagory of a bipolar, yes I sound like I'm looking down on the disorder and I guess I am. You see, my children have a settled life, they are well adjusted at school and very kind. My eldest has a beautiful way with people, he empathizes well and is a deep thinker. My youngest, a daughter is also kind, caring and thoughtful with friends. I'd like to think that I've been a part of their make up not just my husband. It's easy to let bipolar or any other mental illness be an obstacle in thought because we tend to blame ourselves so much for having it that it stops me from seeing all that's around me. In the back of my mind I know my self esteem is not great and that's why I've done everything I can to build my children up to be resilient characters who have a balance of looking after their needs but being mindful of others. I feel like I sound as if I'm blowing my own trumpet sort of attitude but I'll take that chance here. You see, I find that labels create problems. I feel that if my illness was ever discovered I'd loose credibility of what I've provided. My children are very settled through all of this. I'm well aware that as my son gets older and he's 13 now, that he could start asking questions about simple things such as why I'm not at paid work for instance. All I can do is put it in a positive light and let him know that his father and I decided that we wouldnt over load mum at least while the children were very young. It's one instance within our family. I find that judgement can be passed very quickly with labelling people. I am a soft hearted soul who battles a storm every now and then. If the storm ever becomes to heavy again the plan changes. Until then my smaller shifts in mood are part of me.

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