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I'm so lonely
Welcome to the BB Forum 🙂
I'm truly sorry you are feeling lonely. Good on you for reaching out! It shows you value yourself enough to know that you want to change your situation. This takes courage so please take the time to say to yourself "Well done, me!". If you are not up to saying and believing that then let me say, Well done! 🙂
I have also been taken for granted and have felt generally unloved and like you say 'left out'. It hurts. Sometimes when I have 'given' of myself so much, I often neglect myself. It's this very thing - neglecting myself - that I would like to make a point on to, hopefully, help you get through this. I once thought that to think of myself is a selfish thing. The thing is Sadoerson, that by thinking of myself I became happier and therefore more confident to know when I could help people and when I could not. I did this by putting in place boundaries.
For example.. My sister would always rock up at my house to 'kill time' between either having her car fixed or waiting for one of here kids to finish school, a friend to finish work etc.. It hurt me to know she would be at my home to waste time for her next 'appointment' but not come to see me for the enjoyment of my company. So with the help of my counselor we identified the need to put in place strategies - healthy boundaries - that would firstly enable me to live my day without having to feel taken for granted. By doing this it also allowed my sister to see that she would either need to call me or ask me if she could 'kill time' with me. This was great because it allowed me to say "No, it isn't a good time for me." I didn't have to justify why and I gradually found it easier to say 'No' to people. It took time but I came to realise what 'my part' in feeling lonely was. I people pleased.
I also started to find things that made me feel happy. I like to write and before too long I found ways where I was happy and the need to make everyone else happy lessened. It doesn't mean I couldn't help when I wanted to, or there are people in my life that do need help; it just meant that being happy for me was important and made me stop and think if the help I was giving was to people please or was because I genuinely wanted to help? I hope this makes!
There are so many people here, including myself, that will try and help you any way we can. You are not alone and I am so glad you posted because you help me too, by allowing me to understand ME better. Thank you.
Beautifully worded and expressed, V!
I really couldn't put it any better than V has, but I wanted to also welcome you, Sadoerson, and say that I really feel you, in your words.
Relationships, of all types, are the greatest mysteries of them all...but as we grow, and I am not talking about age but as we grow in life-experience our knowledge and understandings will develop as well.
It seems so intense right now, but you are asking the right and best questions, so trust that this too will pass...put in place, as V has suggested, some healthy boundaries and find the right and best help to assist you with that, and in no time, you'll feel a lot more confident.
That confidence when nurtured will be the thing that will attract the right and best people and situations into your life because they will be attracted to your personality and confident character.
Takes time, and practice...but you're not alone.
Stay in touch.
Sorry you're going through this and we can all relate to those innate and terrible feelings of loneliness. It's an unfortunate reality that often relationships do change and friendships deteriorate. It becomes more commonplace the older you get and personally (at 25) I've become repeatedly hurt by these realities. A lot of the time it doesn't have anything to do with you, it's just how people's priorities and world views change. I think what the others have said about putting up boundaries and talking to a counsellor are great ideas.
Are there other ways you can try and make friends? Like school/community/sporting clubs to get into? And would it be worth talking to your sister and telling how what you're feeling at the moment in the hope that you guys could speak more? You've come across as very eloquent and empathic which are traits of somebody I assume has a lot to give as a friend. Have you actually spoken with your friend about your feelings? If not I'd recommend it. Maybe they simply don't realise.
Keep in touch with us, let us know how you're doing. We're always here for you.
Sadoerson, hey there, welcome to the forums and well done for reaching out. You are in a very supportive, friendly and non judgmental place.
Sorry to hear about what you are going through and i cant go past the words of V17 above, really well written.
I just wanted to add that you sound young and if this is the case, it would be good if you could also pop on over to the Young People thread. I would think that there are some people who are going through exactly what you are going through.
Take care and please keep posting as you are certainly not alone in your journey. I would think just about every person has felt taken advantage of, neglected or left out at one stage or another. Not to patronise you at all of course as i can see by your post that you are really feeling it.
Look forward to seeing how you are going.
Hi, I have just joined up here and this is the first post I came across and I just wanted to say that it seems like we are going through almost the exact same things.You are not alone in feeling this way. I wish I could say something more uplifting but im on a downer right now so its kinda tough. I hope that you will be OK, sending lots of love your way xo
...just wanted to welcome YOU too.