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I'm pregnant & he's gone to a strip joint
I'm new here. The heading says it in a nutshell. He was open with me of his plans. Meeting with ppl who are of that scene, something he use to do before he knew me.
According to him I wouldn't fit in. He told me not to wait up, may come back late. Will be drinking, try not to drink too much or come back in a cab.
He's freshly showered & shaved before leaving. Should I be worried?
While I told him how I felt, he did acknowledge my feelings but he still went anyway. Is this normal?
We've been together 4 a long time, I'm 24 weeks pregnant. I'm home alone trying to make sense of this.
I'd hate to think what he'd do when I'm 30+ weeks preg & a lot bigger! 😞
Sadly for his age group (I'll assume he's under 28yo) it can be common but not necessarily normal.
Lets nit firget there are many mature, responsible guys out thafter all he ere that are young adults.
What seems to be with your man is he isnt mature and wants it all, the lifestyle he has always had with his mates, drinking, late nights and potentially unfaithful. But he also wants the luxury of a partner. Great for him, not good for you.
So, what are your options? Here is my approach I'd put to him if I was in your shoes.
I'd arrange a meeting, yep an official meeting no distractions, no phones etc. I'd not raise my voice and I'd be brief and direct. I'd tell him what I wanted in life, my dreams and how I have to go about seeking them i.e a partner that cares for me, one that doesnt have a separate single life, one that will save for a home instead if buying expensive drinks and entry charges to venues.
Everytime he switches the topic to hinself you stop him and say "this conversation is about me and our baby, if you like we can talk about you later" (.This is to stem his nature to think only of himself).
Then ask him "so considering I have these normal needs as a partner and soon to be mother, how does your single lifestyle fit in with my dreams"?
Love is a two way street. If he chooses to continue his choices that leave you abandoned then he needs a strong reply. No yelling, no repeating yourself...direct and solid in your determination to progress in your life.
You are not then preaching, you are giving him choices. Thats important.
You are likely to get promises, pledges and short term changes.But maturing takes time and you have to decide if you are up to waiting maybe 10-15 years for that.
You could also seek family counseling. Relationships Australia might be one good phone call to make or see your GP.
I agree with Tony he can't 'have the cake and eat it too'.
I find it really disrespectful and unthoughtful for him to even consider going with a bunch of mates who are going to be drinking and certainly jeering away, and then come home to you and make out as though nothing had happened.
There could be many implications arising from this in the future, I hope not, but he has to understand that you are carrying his baby and that he has to change what and where he should be going in relation to this. Geoff.
Hi Black Swan
Welcome to our forums. Congratulations on your pregnancy.
No going to a strip joint when in a relationship is not normal. I don't think it is even normal if you are single.
Being pregnant means you are probably feeling more vulnerable. I think this is the time to be clearer more than ever on what you want from your relationship and your future family.
Once the trust goes from a relationship it is really hard to get it back.
I hope you and your partner have a constructive conversation and this is a one off.
Let us know how you go.