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I'm married to an alcoholic.

Community Member

My wife drinks most nights. That's not the problem, to be honest. Sure, the fact that she blacks out on the couch 6 nights out of 7, and I go to bed alone is a hinderance to our intimacy. It has been like this for many years.
She says I've driven her to drink, to escape her depression of a couple of failed businesses that have left us in a massive financial hole.
The problem is that today, after suspecting it for many months, I realised she has been drinking in the morning - before driving our teenage sons to school.
When I called her out on it, she claimed it was "only a couple of beers" and that she was "ok to drive".
We've had many fights over the years, and most of them are fuelled by booze.
This has been going on much longer than our financial dramas.
I'm really at my wits end. We've discussed the drinking many times, and sometimes she even admits it IS a problem... but mostly it comes back to her having to deal with the stress of being the bread-winner, married to a loser, etc etc.
I've never cheated on her. I've done my best to be a model dad for my kids, and apart from the past 3 years, I've supported our family.
There are a lot of other anger issues - she lost her parents when she was young, has gone through breast cancer, and this gets used as an excuse as well.
It's hard for me not to become depressed and sullen when her verbal attacks on me get really heated.
On the flip side, when she is sober she is a fantastic mother, and a wonderful person to be with.
None of her friends know this side of her, and she would be horrified if they knew.
Do I urge her to come to couple counselling with me ?
Do I make this all public and hope the shock of the truth gets her to take some action ?
Do I leave ?

1 Reply 1

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
Hi Bill, I'm sorry you haven't had a reply until now, but please let me welcome you first.

In the last 3 years, the breadwinner has changed from you to her and this can happen quite often and not unusual, but to be in a financial mess again I'm sorry to hear.

However 'a couple of beers' in the morning is a concern, and there have been many arguments regarding her drinking, but when she's sober she is great to be with, the problem though is the grog, and from what you have said she is an alcoholic.

She can only make the decision to stop, she can be urged, encouraged by anyone, nothing will happen unless she gets help and doesn't drink, a choice she has made herself.

If she will go with you to joint counselling, then absolutely, encourage her to do this, it may stop her drinking, I hope so.

I wouldn't make any of this public, it may backfire and make her worse, there is more that needs to be discussed but hope to hear back from you. Geoff.