I'm in a serious rut right now and I really need some help. Any feedback is greatly appreciated!

[elsegundo2020]

Hey there everyone,
I've been somewhat hesitant to post online asking about this kind of advice. I've been in a pretty bad 'rut' for a few months now. It all started to snowball when my grandfather, who I lived with (as well as my grandmother) passed away in March. To give a little bit of context, in 2017 I moved out from my parents and had decided to live with my grandparents. Between that time and now, I had secured down a job that I've been at and managed to save 20K. I have started to loose passion for the job that I am in, which is a pre-school teacher. I've been in this industry for five years now, and even when I had moved away from home I had applied for that job based off that fact that it's a job that I know and can tolerate quite easily. Well, this has been changing. I've noticed I'm loosing patience, passion, and overall drive to continue working in this field. However with this COVID situation, I have been too worried to leave this job. I worry that if I continue to tolerate it, I will continue to work in a job I don't care for and slowly drag down my mental health even farther.
Last month, I also lost my other Grandmother to cancer as well. It has been hard facing the reality of death, and see how it has affected my parents. They too were not doing well mentally even before their passing. My mother had attempted suicide not long after my Grandfather passed, and she has quite an insidious drinking problem which has become worse as a way for her to cope. Whilst all this continues on, I live with my other grandmother. It is very lonely living away from friends and close family - for the only people I talk with are co-workers and my grandmother. It's been the same systematic daily routine for almost two years now, and with Pop gone - I worry about leaving her to move back down home with my parents again. Over the fathers day weekend, I came back down to visit. I've somewhat spiralled a little with some drug use, and have not returned back to my Grandmothers.. I have told work I am unwell. In reality, I don't want to return and I want for a change in my life right now. I miss my family. I just want to settle a little here for a while, and look for another career or study I could go after. I have some money saved, and I had not wanted to spend it - but would it be really a horrible thing to use some of it to get back on my feet again?
I appreciate taking the time to read this, so thank you - and any feedback or advice is massively helpful.

[Sophie_M]

Hi elsegundo2020,

Wishing you a warm welcome to the forums, we are so glad you decided to join us here. We know it can be hard to write the first post, so thank you for having the courage to do so. We are so sorry to hear of the loss of your grandparents, we can't imagine how devastated you must feel. It sounds like it's a really tough time for you at the moment, with stress around work as well as concern for your parents and missing your family on top of everything else. Please know that you don't have to go through this on your own, and our welcoming community is here to offer as much support and advice as you need.

It sounds like you're in a really tough space at the moment and we think it might really help to talk it out. Please know that the Beyond Blue Support Service is always available to you on 1300 22 4636 or you can also get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals to help you through this difficult time.

If you feel up to it, we'd also encourage you to reach out to the lovely counsellors at Griefline on 1300 845 745. GriefLine provides counselling support services free of charge to individuals who are experiencing loss and grief.

We hope a few of our friendly community members will pop by to soon welcome you and offer some words of support and advice. Please feel free to keep checking back in here on your thread to let us know how you are going, whenever you feel up to it.

[Billiee]

Hi Elsegundo,

I'm very sorry to hear about your struggles. It sounds like you're going through a very confusing and stressful situation at the moment.

You're right though, it is mentally very hard to change careers once you are settled in but i can assure you that everyone has the same thought. It is confusing to think back at something which you once were so passionate about and to now struggle to get out of bed for. I don't think that passion goes away but maybe is just dormant for a short while to allow us to spread our wings and experience other things in which we didn't think we had time for. What other things do you have interest in? and it doesn't have to be an immediate passion but merely an interest to start you off. Perhaps just start to explore those options? don't put too much pressure on the thought of having a 'big change' and you could just start to make small changes which lead up to a career change. Staying as a teacher whilst you find the confidence to move onto something could be a positive and may take the pressure off you feeling like you 'have to enjoy' your job.

We are always growing and learning, if it doesn't scare you then you need to aim higher.

I'm very sorry to hear about your grandfather. I don't have much experience with grief but grief is an interesting thing as we all experience it in many different ways. Embrace grief and allow it to happen but ensure it's in a safe way. Reach out to someone and explain what you have written to us today so they can help you.

If you use the money to create positive change then theres nothing wrong with that. I don't believe money can be 'wasted' on improving ones life.

All the Best and i look forward to hearing your next chapter. I hope even a small part of what i have written has given you some clarity.

Make sure you reach out to a hotline or family if you feel the need as there is no shame in asking for help.

Billiee

[Livingthedream22]

Hi Elsegundo2020,

Sorry to hear about your pop, losing family is never easy and it's a tricky situation you are in with living arrangements.

I just wanted to let you know that I'm also going through a deep rut too at the moment, while some ruts come and go this one has stuck with me for a while, losing motivation for working is really tough and it's hard to break out and re focus again.

I'm not sure where you are located but down here in Melbourne it's really tough at the moment and I don't know anyone that's not fine at the moment.

I'm putting the deep rut down to winter, covid and the uncertainty around everything.

Perhaps take this week to chill out and think about the reasons you chose to go into teaching, we are close to the end of the year and new faces next year might re fire the passion again.

Stay safe