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I'm feeling so confused and lost

Community Member

So I've been with my girlfriend for 6 years; known her for 8 years and we have been through good times and bad. We both have good paying jobs, a place of our own, and we're working towards a future together.

On the 11th of April I woke up in the morning, got myself some breakfast and noticed my girlfriend wasn't home. She messaged me on facebook messenger saying to call her. So I gave her a call and that's when she told me she thinks shes a lesbian. I broke down, bawling my eyes out finding out that the person that I love for so long had just upped and left because she thinks shes a lesbian. She came and collected the rest of her belongings the following day. Its been nearly 3 weeks since I have seen or heard from her and its really doing my head in.

I'm feeling very rejected, emotionally, physically and sexually, my self esteem is pretty much 0, I'm feeling like my beliefs have been shattered after living a lie, I'm confused about the relationship and whether it is worth saving, I'm hurting over feeling like I've been lied to for so long, I'm feeling bitter, fear, shock, despair, devastation, hurt, and anger, I keep thinking to myself "What did I do? How can we fix this? Why do you feel this way after so long?", I feel like I'm trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces and ones that don't belong.

I've tried talking to my family and some of her family about it however its really not helping me. Its really tearing me apart inside and out. I keep questioning my existence as well; and I've had a lot of dark thoughts, which is not good. I've already booked in a doctors appointment because I know I'm not well and need psychological help.

I need some help and guidance.

4 Replies 4

Hi cocachris,

Welcome to our friendly online community. We are grateful that you have reached out here today as we know it can be tough to do this for the first time. We are so sorry to hear about what has happened between you and your partner. It sounds like it was quite a shock for you and we understand that after your partner being a part of your life for so long it must be a huge change for you to cope with. Please know that you do not have to do this alone. Many in our community have had similar experiences and understand. Hopefully a few of them will pop by and offer you some words of kindness and advice. 

It's great to hear that you have booked an appointment with a health professional. We think it's really strong of you and so important that you have been so proactive in recognising you need some help and seeking it. We recognise that this must be an overwhelming situation for you, so we just wanted to let you know that if you find yourself feeling particularly overwhelmed before you can get an appointment, please know that there is help available to you. 

MensLine Australia is a free 24/7 telephone and online counselling service for men with emotional health and relationship concerns. You can contact them on 1300 78 99 78 or https://mensline.org.au/

Please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread with what you are feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it.

All that I know at the moment, from this situation, is that I'm not right. It has pretty much destroyed me and what I have been working towards. I thought I'd be able to cope however its really effecting me mentally. I'm not thinking right, both at home and at work. At work I've made small, clumsy mistakes that can easily be prevented, however because I'm around heavy machinery all day, I'm scared for myself and others because of this. This only happened a couple of times, and I recognize the problem, so I try to occupy myself as much as possible so that my thoughts don't get the better of me.

I have already called LifeLine a couple of times and the people I've talked with have been very helpful when I have called; however I just feel completely alone, betrayed, abandoned, and mislead. These feelings only occur on the weekend when I'm by myself and not doing anything.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Cocachris,

im so sorry for how you are feeling.

please keep in mind that it is nothing you have done. You have done nothing wrong.

Simply put, people change.
the woman you fell in love with 6 years ago was bound to change. Sometimes people change and end up growing together. Sometimes people end up growing apart. I have grown apart from previous partners and unfortunately I didn’t want to realise it in some cases, and had to face it when told plain and simple that we had grown apart and the relationship is over.

there is a lot of stigma around same sex coupes, but you can’t help who you love and I am sure she can not help the way she feels. I’m sure there was never any intent to hurt you and everyone deserves the right to be true to themselves.

I believe everything happens for a reason 🙂 don’t linger on what used to be. Look forward to meeting someone who is better suited to you!!!
you sound like you have a wonderful future ahead of you and someone will be very lucky to meet you.

sending so much love, hope and beat wishes your way xoxo

I know she has a lot of problems. I know at a young age she was molested by a close family member and something like that just doesn't go away. Recently she has been taking a lot of medication to cope with her own anxiety, depression, weight loss, injection for birth control and had a needle in her back for intracranial hypertension, to try and relieve the pressure in her spin. I also know that she has very poor self image. I'm beginning to think that all of these things have just caused a massive mental overload on her and made it extremely difficult for her to be intimate with me. She might be attracted by the same sex or might not be; however all I do know is that she has a lot of problems and is currently not happy.

I just wish this pain and loss I'm feeling would go away