I'm depressed & my husband says it's best for kids if I live elsewhere.

[Kkk78]

I am 42 years old. Married for 15 years with 4 children. I am also a recovering drug addict of almost 2 years. I started using drugs when I was 36 after my husband 'accidentally' cheated on me with my best friend. my addiction took a pretty good hold of me and I did change I became distant and I was extremely angry and most of that anger went towards him. We started fighting a lot and got bad, not violent but at times I scared the kids because I'd be yelling at him or just had the shits. It wasn't a nice household to live in some days - I was using drugs and I was also extremely depressed - so when I was down that's when all my emotional needs came out too and I was stuck in the past - I hadn't moved on from his betrayal and I think he pretty well had just had enough of hearing the word like "trigger, trauma" He switched off emotionally to me it feels. so here we are today. I'm clean and sober 2 years and life has dramatically improved from back then - His wording to describing my progress is things like chalk n cheese. When I am good, when I'm severely depressed I'm bad as in I retreat within myself or I a can get snappy. I become needy, I want to feel safe n loved. I was depressed on Friday - it was a very dark place to be in n feel alone. I left the house after a fight, on Monday he came to my counseling session with me - which he later told me I only took him as a manipulative tactic? He told me while I was with her that I need to go away and fix myself before I can come home HE said it's like walking on eggshells in house n he's not doing that to the kids. My daughter told me she wants me home n did say it can be a bit tense but it's not move out wort - This happens like every 6 months it feels like and when my depression starts, he feels blamed and he checks out on me. I remember once I had to go to the hospital for some treatment and he just dropped me off at front door and he drove off - that's the best way I can explain his actions.

I feel like I'm going crazy. I am alone. I am sad and without my children.

Has anyone gone through this, am I in the wrong for feeling abandoned? My councillor said to him she's worried for me, I had to drive 250ks away to my plates house.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Kkk78,

Thank you so much for reaching out tonight. We are so sorry to hear that you have been going through this. It sounds like a distressing situation, and you are not crazy or wrong for how you are feeling right now. We can hear that this is a really turbulant time and we are reaching out to you privately to check in.

It's good to hear that you are currently seeing a counsellor. Please know that there is always support available to you, also between session. Do remember that you are always welcome to get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) who are both available 24/7.

Please remember that if at any point you become an immediate danger to yourself, this is an emergency and you should contact 000 (triple zero).

Thanks again for reaching out tonight. Hopefully a few of our members will be by with some words of support over the next few days. 

 

[geoff]

Hello Kkk, aa warm welcome to the forums.

Your safety is of prime concern and to have your husband cheat on you, would be a horrible shock, and although taking drugs is not really advisable, I can't condemn this as I used alcohol to self medicate when in depression, but you must be congratulated for being 2 years clean, an accomplishment that only you can be proud of, different to how others feel, because it's you who has to realise it's an achievement that has taken great strength to overcome, and it's not easy.

Communication between you and your husband may revolve around his cheating and with him reciprocating with depression and the possibility of going back to drugs, so any discussion ends up going nowhere, so virtually nothing can be achieved.

Depression doesn't necessarily happen for nothing, there is a cause whether it's hidden or not or whether we actually know why but at times it maybe blocked or perhaps a trigger may have generated it, but it's not ideal if we guess the exact reason, because every day maybe different, only confusing us.

By saying 'chalk and cheese' only implies you have nothing in common, except you have 4 children, although how they feel and who they support can be completely different and if I can ask how do your children feel about this, I'm only asking as to what may happen if you separate.

There are other queries but I'll wait until you reply, that's only if you want to.

Best wishes.

Geoff.