I’m alone for the first time

[Jaz99]

Hi,

I’m 18 and am for the first time ever alone and I hate it. I’ve always had school and therefore friendships with the people you saw everyday and just before graduation I had a boyfriend. My boyfriend and I were together for our first year out of school so I had him by my side for all the new experiences. We then broke up right as I moved out of home and started a new degree and was so caught in the whirlwind I didn’t have time to process everything.

Now it’s holidays, I’m back home and finding myself very alone. I have 2 friends but they are so busy with their lives and my family are all preoccupied (my Mum just had surgery so we are all busy supporting her). Now I sit alone and my friends are busy, my family are busy and I have no one else.

My sister and I use to be very close but she now has a boyfriend. My dad works overseas and is always gone and my mum is ill and recovering so she can’t be there for me as I’m caring for her.

My phone use to blow up with messages or my partner would be there to chat at any time and was just around the corner. I suddenly don’t know what to do, I go days without getting a message from anyone and my family are too busy to do anything with me.

I struggle a lot with anxiety so going out and meeting people isn’t really something I can do.

i tried messaging people I use to be close with in school but so much has changed since then nothing really stuck with anyone.

I just don’t know what to do, I’ve never been alone and I really don’t like it. With how stressful life is I need someone to bounce things off and talk to about anything and I just don’t have that person right now.

thanks to anyone who responds, Jaz 🙂

[kanga_brumby]

Hi jazz have you tried your local neighborhood house for things to do. Sometimes your local CAB can give you volunteer ideas. A local second hand shop volunteering in there whilst there you can keep your eye out for some bargains for yourself to buy for yourself or gifts for family and friends. If you attend a church you may do some volunteer stuff there. So you become busy again,and increase your social network. In helping others you can help yourself at the same time.

Kanga

[james1]

Hello Jaz,

I'm 25, damn...I'm actually 26, it's taking me a while to get used to saying that. Okay. I'm 26 but I think from the time I left high school to now, it's like my friendship circle has just been reducing slowly but surely.

It was pretty hard at the beginning, as you're experiencing now, but what you'll find is that having time alone is actually a blessing in disguise. For so long in high school, you are surrounded by others so you never get a chance to know who you are and what you enjoy doing. You just know that you like being around friends doing things - anything - with them.

But what about your own personal hobbies and passions? What are the things you would enjoy doing on your own?

We don't often get a chance to explore these in high school - only later, when friends become busy and even you get busier, will you have those times to explore your own interests.

So I'd definitely keep making contact with friends, but what I also did was I started joining clubs at uni and making new friendships there. I also volunteered for cancer council over the summer break just to do something for myself and that was awesome because not only was it a good distraction, i could talk to like-minded people at work and give myself a leg-up in my professional life.

You mentioned being in a degree - I imagine the college or uni you are at would have counsellors there. Mine did, and they would be very good at dealing with this sort of thing because loneliness is actually really common amongst first year students.

Anxiety can make it really hard for people to make new friends but, being 26 now, I can confidently say that even though you will probably have a smaller group of friends than you ever have, they'll be a much closer group of friends than you have had before. Until then, though, the adjustment period can be tough and a counsellor would be a great person to have supporting you.

Hope to hear from you!

James