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I love him more than life itself, but I’m hurting inside

Community Member

My fiancé and I have been together now for 6 years, engaged for just over 4 months! This man is my soul mate! We met when I was 17 and my love hasn’t changed!

Fast forward 6 years and tonight he’s on the Xbox, I’m in bed, because we’ve just argued again. It’s not a normal “argue” though! It’s hurtful, it’s loud, it’s always about something minor & it’s not the man I fell in love with!

I mean I’m sure the neighbours would think I’d cheated on him or something terrible! When it was probably just because I drove the long way home!

We are currently in the process of changing medications, seeing a psych and a GP! I know they say the period of changing over meds can be the danger zone & ive been through this with my mum my whole life! But it’s so different when it’s your partner! I’m lost!

I feel very supported by those around me - but I feel like I’m walking on egg shells in my own home! He gets so mad he physically shakes & has never ever been psychical with me, but he just gets so mad that he uses words to hurt me, I don’t know what I should do! He tells me things like “we’re over”, “I can’t do this anymore” “I don’t want to be with you” - but then when he’s calmed he’s a different person and apologises & says he loves me!

It’s so up and down, back and forth and I know it will get easier when he’s meds are sorted! But I’m struggling to do this every week!

I need to know how to best support him through this stage! And best support myself!

I need to know that I’m not alone & that there are lots of other partners and families who are dealing with this!

If anyone has any advice I’ve got open ears!


1 Reply 1

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear MeredithEllen~

Those arguments are very corrosive and sadly can build on each other from one time to the next, with things tending to quickly ramp up to where the last one was then go further, so they need to stop.

I'd suggest a couple of things, for you to have firm barriers that show you will not accepting him overstepping the mark, simply withdrawing saying things are getting to a stage you will not accept. Try not to respond. Where you withdraw to is a matter of practicality, another room anyway.

For him to see his doctor promptly with a view to anger management, something that by the sounds of it is needed even when he is not changing meds. Even when one has a mental health condition it does not stop one from being responsible about hurting others.

Arguments do happen, it is a fact of most peoples lives, however they should be within limits, trying to deeply hurt the other person is not on, becuse it cannot be taken back and makes the future relationship more shaky.

I would suspect you drove home the long way around simply to avoid these arguments, that is no way to be. I am glad you have support, however he needs to do better supporting you too.