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I just want to let it out
I have been struggling a bit lately and I am in an unfortunate situation where i have no one around me to give me emotional support. So I would like to use this thread to just let it out.
8 months ago my lovely wife and best friend and I separated. Bang just like that. We had both been unhappy with the way our relationship had been running and though neither of us had cheated or been nasty to the other, it was just a sad relationship. At the time we were living in a very small isolated community far from our families. I couldnt cope and left. I met a wonderful girl who helped me emotionally through those first few months. But she had to return to her home far away leaving me all alone. I am struggling with not having someone to help me through the bad parts of my days. I have no home, no friends and no family. I have had dark thoughts about getting rid of this horrible pain but I wont do that.
My pain and emotions come howling to the surface every few hours without warning. I clutch at them desperately from inside trying to hold them back. But I never can. I find it is like trying to hold water in my hands. It drips and pours out everywhere.
I love my wife and tell her that but as she drifts further away on her own journey without me I feel myself sinking lower and lower. She tells me that being alone is what is right for me right now. But I disagree. I am usually a loner but right now I need to have someone to reach out to. The few people I do know have all withdrawn from me after seeing me break down into panics, anxiety and general total sadness.
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You are in the right place here to 'just let it out' Totti. A lot of us have similar experiences with relationships, you are not alone here. May I ask, have you seen a GP about your mental health before? It might help you to have a fresh mental health strategy.
I am sorry to hear you are having a rough time mate. Do you have other things that can divert your attention on a daily basis? Any pastimes, hobbies, passions or perhaps it is time to start something new? And could you try and touch base with your friends, even a few quick phone calls? I don't think you need to be alone right now if you don't want to be either.
I know what you mean about the pain and emotion coming to the surface, i find it a physical reaction at first, I just try and ensure I am somewhere private. I certainly find that, with time the pain and emotion reduces.
Have you ever tried meditation? It has helped me immensely to focus my attention on the positive and off the negative. Hang in there mate, with small steps you can improve the way you are feeling.
Thanks for your kind words. I find it always help to be able to tell someone how I am feeling. Pretty well all of my friends have pulled away from me, I can only assume they dont want to deal with the mess! I have started to use the Headspace app and intend on going to some yoga type meditations. I know that in time this will either pass or become easier to deal with.
Once again thankyou for your post.
I am glad you replied Totti. I know it can be hard for friends to deal with these things some times, I think most people find mental issues confronting and are not equipped to deal with it unfortunately. Like most of us they are probably dealing with there own stuff as well. It might still be worthwhile to nurture your friendships without discussing your situation, in fact it might be good to forget about it for a while.
I am extra glad you are using the Headspace app and going to do some meditations. As you know, if we take small steps we can improve our situation, however we need to ensure we are taking the right steps, the Headspace app will help you with that. I have said before on this site, I would have had no idea how to fix my head if I hadn't found professional support, i couldn't see the things that were stopping my mental growth. These days I make it my passion to be on the journey to mental wellness.
Tell us how you are feeling any time Totti, we will be listening.
As I was reading of your deep pain and suffering I was crying for your anguish and your struggle.
It is wonderful that Jacko has come on by to offer you some great advice, to show you that he cares and is here to help and support you.
Depression and loneliness are horrible things to deal with.
It is great to read through the thread and to find out you are taking steps to help yourself, that is wonderful. I hope the yoga type mediations help you.
Are there places around you where you can go walking? Getting in amongst nature is a calming thing for me to do.
Do you have a relationship with your parents? If so do they lend you a willing listening ear?
I am thankful I do have a couple of friends who understand depression, others just don't have any idea at all. My in laws think I should just be able to pull my socks up and get on with it.
All of us suffering from depression know there are some days where you could pull your socks all the way up to you hips and that still wouldn't make any difference. It would just stretch your socks!
I find that chatting here certainly helps. Hope you keep in touch, and you are able to share the good, the not so pleasant stuff in your life with us here.
Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools, or Lauren.