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I just don't know what to do with my partner anymore. It's like I don't know who he is.
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Hi Bev,
Welcome to BeyondBlue, you are always free to voice what ever is on your mind here, no one judges others here and happy to give advice.
Sadly, I dont have answers for you, but I just want you to know you arent the only one out there who has had similar situations, I am one and still trying to work out the answers you are asking too.
I am just writing this to help show some support for your situation, and hope that helps reduce the trauma you are going through knowing that you arent alone out there.
If you find answers, feel free to share them on here if you feel comfortable in doing so
Terry
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Thanks Terry.
It is really kind of you to offer such comfort. I wish I had answers for all of us.
I wish I could have just stepped out of that space the other day and let it be. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad. But I also know it's not me, even though I've been told by him and his family that it is my fault. I think that's the hardest part. I'm the only one who has supported him and given him unconditional love, and I'm been blamed for the state he's in. I'd never put him in a state like that. I know how deeply I love him, and I know it's just not possible for me to have caused this alone.
I think the other challenge is not knowing what will happen next.
Thanks again. I hope you're ok. I do think people who act so irrationally aren't well. That's the only answer I have at this point.

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As someone with borderline disorder, reading what you say hes behaving like i think if you read the book "love me, don't leave me" you might have a better understanding of his thought process and why he does things that may seem completely irrational to you
Best regards
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Thank you. Even the title of the book resonates very well with his behaviour. It's like a push-pull affect.
Thank you for you advice and you time. I very much appreciate it !
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I understand, and I know you do have a good understanding of him.
Rule of thumb for me, the more erratic my behaviour and the harder I try to push my partner away is usually a sign of the severity of the inner turmoil going on inside my head that I cannot healthily release it....and thus as he has...completely implode on myself
A good way as I explain to my partner is that when I am in that frame of mind I have the rational ability of a 3 year old toddler...and it's not until I calm down that I can have a rational stable response to her questions or my issue
Everyone is different, you have to be patient, empathetic but never sympathetic when he is having an episode
I'm not saying he has bpd either, it's just that mental illness shares a lot of traits and symptoms as many other mental health issues
Good luck
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Thanks again. You've given me a very helpful perspective. I really appreciate the time and energy you've taken to help me out.
thanks again 🙂
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Yes sounds about right, sounds like he doesn't have the coping skills to deal with what he's thinking/having problems with
And thus disassociates from himself in order to self soothe and give himself a break
It's hard to be a partner and help someone that hasn't yet accepted his way of processing thought and feelings is not healthy
But don't get me wrong, in his mind his problems are legitimate and most likely are, it's just the way he reacts and deals with those thoughts isn't healthy
As I learnt when your problems are psychological more so than chemical imbalances....no amount of medication makes a different
Hopefully a professional can help him to understand, as more then likely because he has an emotional relationship with you he won't be open to listening to you about it
Do you know his different personalities that come out to deal with certain types of issues?
Anger? Punitive? Defensive? Inner child etc
