I have to move overseas to be with my husband after many years apart and I'm so scared to leave my family and stay with my in-laws.

[Ennie_Mel]

Hi,

I am extremely close with my family and have a little sister who's like my best friend and soon I will be moving overseas to be with my husband. I agreed to moving + filed all the paperwork before I realised the reality of living with my in-laws.. they're extremely strict, old-fashioned and I am constantly getting told off for things I am doing wrong.

Every night I get anxiety about leaving my family behind and not sure on how to handle it. I tried talking to my husband but he doesn't really understand. I also have anxiety about moving to live with my in laws as we can't really move out at the moment.. I can't sleep, constantly worry and feeling so uncertain about the future.

I love both my husband and family. He did not want to move here so I have no choice but to be with him and move there.

[paddyanne]

Hi Ennie Mel. From your post I gather you have already spent time with your in-laws to know what they're like and their expectations of you. I also gather your husband is already with his parents. Is there a set time you will be with them? Maybe if you can concentrate on finding somewhere for you and your husband to move into, once you're established, this may help you with your anxiety. Your husband's lack of understanding could mean he knows what his parents are like, but because he's used to their lifestyle, he can't see the problems. People who grow up in a certain way, often fail to realise that everyone has different ideas about family life. Could you find a job that would take you out of their environment and help with your finances? I suggest too, you write to them and thank them for agreeing to you two living with them and ask about possible employment so the arrangement is only temporary. I understand your anxieties, but unless you can help your husband with finances, this arrangement could be longer than you want.

[Swan_13]

Hi Ennie Mel,

It sounds like you're really torn in two directions right now... I'm sorry you've had to decide between spending more time with your husband or your family, both of whom you love very much. I can't imagine how difficult that decision must have been for you. It makes perfect sense that you're feeling anxious given the uncertainty of whether you will like it overseas. You also may be feeling a lot of pressure to make everyone around you happy which would be extremely hard.

While it's definitely important to talk to your husband about this, as you've done, it might be helpful to also talk to your family about this. They might be feeling the same way about missing you and may be able to provide you with some more support and reassurance. Will you be able to travel to visit your family often?

Maybe you could give yourself a period of time to see whether you enjoy life overseas and then reassess from there...