i got broken up with, no warning or explanation

[sheree_f]

my boyfriend of 3 and a half years broke up with me 2 months ago. we never really fought or had problems other than just basic bickering and then one day he came over and told me that he had been unhappy for 3 months and didn’t know what to do. he said he didn’t know what made him unhappy but it wasn’t anything i did (??????) but he just didn’t see us working anymore. i was obviously extremely upset, i loved him so much and always did everything in my power to make him happy and make him feel loved and appreciated

he still wants to be friends and obviously i want that too because he was my best friend and i don’t want to lose him and have this stupid hope that we will get back together which is stupid thing to even think because it probably won’t happen but i just cannot stop thinking about him.

every day i just wait to see if he will message me and i just want to talk to him and see him and i just don’t understand how someone can talk to you every day and tell you that they love you and then turn around the next day and leave you high and dry

and the worst part is that i never wanted to depend on someone to be happy and i didn’t think i did but this has broken me in a way that i didn’t think i could ever feel and i am just constantly sad. i know that there’s so many worse things happening in the world and that so many people have it worse than me but i am literally just so sad all the time and i don’t understand why this has happened to me when all i ddi was love him and care for him and try my hardest for him

everyone says it’ll get easier but it hasn’t and it’s been 2 months. i am such a hug believer in everything happens for a reason but i just can’t see the big picture and why i would need to go through this terrible pain to learn some sort of lesson

:(((

[jess334]

Hi Sheree,

Welcome to the forums.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Relationship breakdowns are awful, especially if you weren't expecting it.

It can take time to recover from. Like any loss, you have to go through the grieving process and that is different for everyone.

Maybe you should try and put a little distance between you and your ex for a while? Wait until you have gotten over the break up before you try and be friends. If you keep contacting him you will find it hard to let go.

You might also consider talking to a councillor or psychologist. Therapy can be really helpful in these situations.

Kind thoughts,

Jess

[skybluecoast]

Hi Sheree

Jess is giving you some good advice there. As a guy, I will only say guys mature a lot later than women. They are more fickle and have different needs that often they won't or can't express. Then, later down the track you will get a message saying they want to get back together!

You have to give yourself some protection, as Jess suggested, an give yourself time to get your dignity back. Let your friend's circle heal you up. Go out with friends, and look good, feel good stay off facebook and other places likely to come across your ex.

One door closes, another opens, but the door you went thru has to be shut first.

Eventually when you find someone else, you can maybe let this person on your front porch, but they can't come in the house again. For now, I would just make a clean break and heal the pain.

People are annoying if they think you should heal faster than you can. Some things take a lot longer than expected but you are not ready yet. Take your time, find a counsellor, and all the best.

Sky.