I feel trapped

[Nelstar]

I’ve been with my husband for 13 years and have 2 children together. I moved to his home state 10 years ago, after our first son was born as he said it was a safer place to raise children. After 10 years of being here I’m homesick and what makes it worse is that all my family live in my home state and we only have his parents here for support. I’ve discussed with husband about wanting to go back to my home state and he flatly refuses to move. I feel like I’m trapped and he won’t even consider my feelings and how lonely I am and how much I miss all my family. My husband does fifo work and has worked away now for almost 8 years in the very state I want to move back too. We pay for flights and accommodation and pay up to $15000 a year for this, which we could be saving if we just moved there. Am I being unreasonable ? Do you think I am being selfish for wanting to do what I want to do considering I’ve done 10 years here ? Really I feel my only options are just continually put up with living here and being lonely or separate from my husband and go through the courts and see what’s the outcome would be with that. I love my kids so much and would never leave them here. Help

[Croix]

Dear Nelstar~

Welcome to the Forum. Living away so far from your family and roots can be very hard indeed, and unless you form an exceptional bond with your in-laws and others where you are now it really is no substitute.

So no I don't think you are eihter selfish or unreasonable after10 years to want to return to your home state. In fact I find the reason your husband gave for the initial move, that a particular state was a safer place to raise children hard to understand. All states are a complete mix. Perhaps he was influenced by a wish to be near his own family.

I know you have jumped to the conclusion that a legal separation is the answer. This is in itself a huge and heart-breaking undertaking. May I suggest that you look at a lesser step, and seek counseling with your husband?

Relationships Australia - 1300 364 277 is a good place to start, with a great deal of experience. It may be when your husband realizes how serious you are he will change his attitude.

As a FIFO worker he will not have been wiht you all the time, and as a result it may have been easy for him to ignore your feelings.

Do you have anyone in your family - even at a distance - to support you , and with whom you can discuss matters frankly? It does make a difference.

What do you think?

Croix

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I understand your predicament, it must cause you a lot of lonely times.

unfortunately I believe there is issues taking your children interstate to live without good reasons - like my sister that got court approval to move north for her daughters asthma condition. The reasons are that it puts the fathers and kids relationship to a disadvantage. Hence you might consider a chat with a family solicitor.

The other aspect is- that it isn’t a case of “well I’ve lived here 10 years so it’s only fair for him to move now”. Such an agreement wasn’t made at the time so I feel it isn’t fair on him to change those circumstances now. That’s just my view.

My only idea is to encourage family to visit, meet other locals by expanding your friendships and visiting more back home, easier as your kids get older.

TonyWK