I feel like my teenage daughter hates me

[Kelly67]

I'm not sure where to start.. I understand that teenage years are difficult and have read books sourced help on dealing with this but my on child has said and done such hurtful things that is heart destroying and really has effected our relationship. Because she thinks she is right all the time it's difficult to communicate with her. I have helped her in lots of ways achieve lots of different things yet she chooses to say how bad her life is. I've been spat at called the 'c' word and many more. She has trashed the house. Causes her dad and I to argue. My biggest concern now is because I refused that her boyfriend couldn't stay at our home due to no other reason but it was a tafe/work week she started to abuse me. The heart wrenching part is I heard her telling her boyfriend that we are toxic and abusive. My heart sank as its totally the other way around. Her boyfriend has since told his mom this whom I haven't met yet and I'm devastated that we are being pictured in this way. What do I do should I talk to his mom.?? We are good parents and will admit the mistake we made was spoiling her. Please help on ideas how to handle this. Its breaking our once Happy family to break up.. 🙏

[alasdayr]

Kelly67,

I really feel for you in this situation. I can tell you love your daughter. However, it sounds like she has overstepped the mark a number of times and worse has been allowed to get away with it.

She lives in your house. Thereby she should live by your rules. If within those rules privileges are provided. If outside the rules, privileges are removed. The rules should be set up front, consistent and enforced by both parents. THIS WILL BE HARD AT TIMES AND TAKES COURAGE AND PRACTICE.

As parents you are trying to set her up for life outside home. Outside home, there are rules in society enforced by laws. Abuse someone and you can be charged with assault. Damage anothers property and its willful destruction where damages must be paid, etc..

The hardest bit is that it is nearly impossible to talk sense to someone emotionally agitated. They must be calm enough to work with before meaningful conversations can be had. Sometimes this will take weathering the storm before dialog can be had. BOTH parties must be calm.

Seek assistance from those that manage this successfully. Get professional outside help if you need to. Getting harmony in a family is HARD work and takes continuous effort and communication.

Lastly, do not concern yourself with your daughters boyfriends parents. If your daughter is spreading lies, they will come back to hurt her far more than you.

Hopefully some of this helps some.

Alasdayr.