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I feel like I'm the problem in my relationships.
Hi everyone, this is my first thread so I'm not 100% sure how everything works.
I've had a lot of issues with my friends at school recently. I had an argument with one of my friends because I felt as though she was distancing herself from me with no reason. When my other friends found out, they all started ignoring me and excluding me, and now at school, I sit by myself because I feel uncomfortable around them. This has happened in the past before for several other reasons, but it's always me who gets the blame. Even though I feel like my opinions are valid and moral, no one cares and they get completely disregarded. I feel like Im a problem, and I've talked to some non-school friends about this, and they think otherwise.
My friend group at school has about 8 people, of whom 6 ignore me. I can't help but feel as though I am a burden and I am the toxic person in my relationships. Everytime there is an argument, I am the only one who tries to make it better, but as of now, there are issues with me and the group on almost a weekly basis, and I feel like giving up with everything and just sitting alone for the rest of the year. I'd leave them if I could, but i'm really attached to a few of them, and so I find it really hard to leave.
Instead, I spend most of my time sitting in a quiet space crying, believing that everyone hates me. And when people see me upset, they tell each other that I seek attention, which just makes me more upset. I have no idea what to do. Right now, I have mainly been relying on my out-of-school friends, but I feel like I'm a burden to them too. Sometimes I just want to bury a hole and crawl in, but I know that there are good people and good things waiting for me in my life, so I haven't given up (even though the thought still comes up in my head).
I really just want to have some close healthy relationships at school, especially during this stressful year, but all I seem to get is drama and hate from people for mundane reasons. There is always a pattern. There is an argument, we stop talking, they ignore me, I isolate for ages because I know that they don't want to see me, I tell myself that they don't care about me, and then I eventually apologise, and things slowly get better, and things happen again. Its hard for me to cope with all of this constant stress, and I feel like I can't even express my emotions or thoughts in front of these friends, because they will use it against me.
I really need some advice on how to cope with this.
A warm welcome to our forums and I'm glad that you've decided to reach out to us today. Please know that these forums are a place where you can share what you are feeling or going through in safe space without judgment, and that we will always do our best to support you here.
I'm sorry to hear about these issues you've been having with your school friends, and it sounds like that you haven't really felt comfortable with them for a while now. I'm glad to hear that you also have other friends outside of school and you know that there are good things that exist outside of this, but I can definitely understand why you would feel so sad and upset about this.
It sounds like that maybe with this group of friends there's now a bit of a pattern where you are consistently feeling unsupported and unlistened to by them. Outside of your non-school friends, maybe it would be worth considering speaking to a school counsellor, if you have one, or someone at Headspace?
I'll open up this thread for the rest of the community to chime in, but please know that you're not alone, cloudysky, and that we are here to support you.
Welcome to our forums, I hope you can feel safe talking to us here.
It sounds like you are really struggling with your school friendships and I'm really sad to hear you feel like you are the problem. I think it is really good and mature to hear you are thinking about what you could be doing wrong because most people seem to first go and blame others. But in my own experience at school, I found that people aren't good at handling conflict and just exclude others if it happens. So I don't think them excluding you indicates a problem with you - rather, it's just that your friends there don't know how to listen and understand your point of view.
So it's really good that you do have friends outside of school because it sounds like they do understand you and value who you are, and I hope you can feel safe speaking to them. But I understand why you feel like you still want to have in-school friendships because it can otherwise be really lonely and sad to be on your own while you're at school. You mentioned there are 6 in the group of 8 who ignore you - do you get much of a chance to speak to the other two?