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I feel alone & lost

Community Member

I was diagnosed with Anxiety and secondary depression end of last year after a year of symptoms and not knowing what was wrong with me. I finally went to see a therapist and she really helped me try to open up and realized that I'm not the only one and not to feel guilty about it. however, I'm trying to open up about this to my husband but every time I do he shuts me out, doesn't talk to me, doesn't hug me and then I feel like its all my fault and I'm the terrible person. I don't want him asking any more questions because he asks then he takes it out on me by how he reacts. I'm starting to feel that I'm going to have to deal with this on my own but I don't think I can. I don't know what to do or anything, i feel so lost, lonely and to be honest I've lost who I am. I'm really struggling and I have no one. Both sides of my family know but they dont know how to deal with it either so it feels like they are just stepping back.

Please help, I really need help

5 Replies 5

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear Lost Soul

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. It's good you have found your way here to talk with others who have experienced the same illness as you.

You most certainly are not the only one faced with depression and anxiety and it's sad so many others are in the same position as you. I also belong to that group and struggled to find meaning in my life, struggled with the pain of depression and at times the fear in I see in some people who do not know what to do.

Before I go on I want to point you to some information available on BB. If you go to the bottom of the page you will see some headings. Look under The Facts and go to depression. Follow the links from there. Much of this information can be downloaded to your computer but not the booklets. Instead order them from BB by using the links. There is no charge for these materials.

I suggest you to look at the information for friends and family. These booklets and sheets do explain anxiety and depression and suggest how to talk to the family member or friend who is depressed and anxious. Hopefully it will dispel some myths and show practical ways to help. If your husband wants to know about depression perhaps you can offer him the BB literature which he can take away to read. It will certainly save the hurt for both of you. Order more several copies of the material you think will be useful as you can give them to other family members.

Do you have any friends you can confide in? I have found there are people who genuinely care and are prepared to listen. Often others think they need to fix you or cure you when all they need to do is listen without judging.

I wonder if your husband is a little afraid of anxiety and depression. Many people are afraid which makes it difficult to explain as their fear gets in the way of hearing. I wonder how he would go if you wrote him a letter. No need to rush it, just explain how you feel and how he can help. Doesn't matter if it takes a while to write.

Depression is not your fault and neither did you make yourself anxious. I know there are beliefs that you can get better if you choose. As if anyone wants this dreadful illness. You will need to work on getting well but I have never met anyone who has done it on their own. Have you talked to your therapist about this? I think it would be a great topic to explore in the safety of the consulting room.

I have talked a lot about information but I think families need to know. Hope you will continue to write in.


Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey LostSoul, I also want to welcome you to the forums and glad that you have posted.

You have got some really good advice above from Mary but I would like to add, have you considered taking your husband to a psych session? Or take him to the GP.

A lot of people, unfortunately, do not believe how debilitating depression and anxiety is. We can tell people until we are blue in the face and it will not change their outlook on it but if they hear it from a health professional, it may change their mind on it.

I realise that you asking will be a challenge and him accepting will be a bigger challenge but i think it is a worthwhile exercise to try.

Perhaps you can issue a friendly respectful challenge to him to accompany you? What has he got to lose, an hour of his life?

I hope that you can get some comfort and it is great that you realise that you are certainly not alone in your journey. There are heaps of us that have the same mental health conditions.


Hi Mary,

Yes I have a friend that I talk to but I feel that I'm pushing the friend boundary & also respect for my husband.

I have previously written & letter & he read it but there was no talking about it or anything. He doesn't really talk to me anymore about anything really. So this being so emotional & extremely sensitive it's really hard.

i also brought him along to my therapist but he had his time with her to ask any questions he had but that was it.

I haven't been to my therapist in a bit so I'm booking in an appointment for next week but I'm feeling like I don't want to talk to anyone for fear they will all treat me the same. If I don't say anything no one can treat me different or say nasty things.

I'm not trying to shot you down with all my suggestions but I've tried & I don't know what to do.


i don't know if hes scared or if he thinks im just talking trash and it's all made up or what... he never talks

Hello Lost Soul

I am so sorry none of our suggestions are useful. Have you looked at the material on BB? It is still useful to read and pass on to your family as it will be taken seriously coming from a well-respected organisation as Beyond Blue.

I'm pleased you are going to see your therapist again. This is a way to get support from someone who knows how you feel. I can guarantee your therapist will not treat you in the same way your husband and family have treated you. A therapist will not say you are making it up, could be be better if you tried or any of the comments you have heard from others. They would not be doing much of a job and certainly not helping you.

Did your husband talk to the therapist alone or were you present as well? Why not ask your therapist if he could be included in the therapy sessions. At the very least he would see how your therapy was progressing and perhaps learn more about depression. Please don't give up on getting well again. I know it's a long road and very lonely on your own so writing in here will give you somewhere to talk about whatever you want.

Talking to your friend is helpful I gather. How about you ask her to tell you when she is getting overwhelmed by your confidences. Friends can be more tolerant than you think. Does your husband talk to any members of your family about you? Do you feel vindicated at all?

Well you clearly need some support. Does your mother know about this and will she sit with you to talk anytime. Please look at all your support people and don't give up.