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I feel a bit silly.

Icantthinkofausername
Community Member

I've had a bit of anxiety for a long time now however not enough to affect my day to day life and I would just forget about it m. Recently it's been getting harder and harder with panic attacks and chest pains. Today was the first day it affected me by staying home from uni. I love uni and I had an assessment too.

 

in the last three weeks or so I've noticed I'm more down and have been crying on a daily basis.

with issues being mainly my emotionally abusive husband, my weight and stressing out for my son. 

 im 24 with a 2 year old, and he worries sick about me and in return I feel so guilty! 

Yesterday he saw me have a panic attack in the shower after a blow out with my husband and he hugged me so tight.

 my husband has been giving me grief, I love him so much and I don't want to leave because his a great father I just want him to be good to me. I don't want to leave because I know he loves me and it would break his heart. I don't want to leave because we have been seperate back in jan and it was an extremely painful experience.

he puts me down and calls me names, tells me I'm stupid and I've got nothing under control. Yells at me for everything and just makes me so upset. I've been married for 4 years but I can't seem to leave. I don't want to be the reason. Although he says in the reason for his anger. 

 i don't want to be like this im usually so happy I feel like I'm in a downwards spiral. 

 also my weight affects me so much I weigh 65kgs which is a normal weight for me, but I want to loose that number off the scale and be skinny so maybe I will be happy with at least something in my life. 

1 Reply 1

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

hello and any username will do, but thank you so much for deciding to post a comment on the forum.

You obviously have a lovely son and knows when you are upset, and that's a real bonus to have, but then there is this problem with your husband, and what this looks like being is that you are in a catch-22 position.

There are so many levels of love in a relationship or marriage, starting with being on cloud 9, where we can't keep our hands and eyes off each other, and along the way this love will change where you want to care for them, not that they are sick, but care for them when they go to work, or go on a fishing trip etc.

You can still love someone even if you get divorced, just like me, after 12 years or about that we were divorced but I still love her, even after all what we have been through, and it's also her feeling with me, but we could never live together again.

What your husband is doing is blaming you for his anger, calling you names and I would expect them to be explicit nasty names, which really wouldn't be very pleasant to listen and if your 2 year old son hears this, it's not going to good for him.

I can't tell you what to do, but if you were my sister in exactly the same situation, I would suggest that you and your son move out, or ask him to move out, but if you do ask him to leave then this could create many problems for you.

Can I finish off by giving you an example, and please this is not in any way meant to upset you in any derogatory way, however the bashed wife syndrome, where the wife accepts her husband back home after he has hit her, not once or twice but many times, she gives into him time after time until finally he has hit her so hard that he knocks her unconscious.

This may exemplify your current situation, however where you are now is not going to be any good for your anxiety.

I am really sorry for saying what I have said, but I care for any mum and her children very much, where safety is their first priority. L Geoff. x