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I don't like who I am...
I have been with my husband for 17 years and I just don't really know why he is with me. It's not like I'm a really fun person to be around and it doesn't help that I don't have much of a sex drive. I often have issues with my appearance and body and this affects my confidence, I just don't think I have anything else to compensate for my multiple downfalls. I have a small group of close friends, but I honestly don't know why they're even still friends with me...I don't know what I bring to the table.
I'm quick to get angry and frustrated and even though I've tried to change this, in the moment it just doesn't happen. I know I can be really bitchy and horrible and I know this has grated on my husband and that makes me so upset. He said today that the reason he stutters is because he always has to double check what he says as I can't take anything as a joke. This really hurt me to hear as I'd never want to make anyone feel like that. I know he said it as a bit of a throw away comment, but I know there would have been truth in it, or else he wouldn't have said it.
At the age of 33 I'm lost as to whether I'm just a boring, serious, angry and horrible person and even though I really want to not be this person I just don't know what to do to change.
Welcome to the community here on the forum. I would like to suggest that you have a look at the thread titled "Do you like yourself" by Blondguy ( or something similar...if I try to look it up I might misplace this post) There are many people who have posted there who have issues with liking themselves all the time or now and then.
You have mentioned a few things that you are not satisfied with about yourself. Can you just look at one of those things and see what you can change if possible so you do like yourself more.
Can you talk with your husband about what he said and try to work out how you can both converse differently with each other?
Try and write down your good points, there must be reasons why you have friends to spend time with and why you are still married.
It can be easy to find the negatives and harder to find the positives, so maybe concentrate on what is working and build on those things.
Cheers from Dools