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I don’t know what to do

Community Member

My husband and I have been going through a horrible 5 months. But I have been unhappy for 2+ years.
It was a lot of things adding up over time then we moved states for his work where I left my whole family behind. He (to me) wasn’t very understanding. He knew I was upset sure, but to him it was like oh well you’ll get over it.
It took a good 6+ months to get out of my funk. In that time we were arguing a lot because we weren’t helping each other enough. One day he got angry and screamed at me to F off back home and grabbed me and literally threw me outside telling me to leave.
Ever since then I’ve wanted to leave him.
I was just going with the motions really. Fast forward to last year and my dad got really sick and ended up passing away. My husband was supportive in that he took time off work so I could go back home to say goodbye and plan the funeral for my father.
When I got back he kept talking about the money my dad left behind (it wasn’t much) and that oh the money will be good for HIS business..... when I said he’s not having it he chucked a tantrum and called me a b*tch. He put the money into his business. I was too upset to argue.
Not long after that, with his business and day to day job I became non existent to him. Any time I tried to talk too him he didn’t even know I was there. When I wanted to spend the weekend together as a family, he was working or just didn’t want too. Not once (apart from when I just came back from my hometown) did he ask if I was ok or even just do small things to comfort me. I’m not the type of person to go and cry in someone’s arms when I’m upset and he knows that.
He also made a female friend (according to both of them nothing happened) and he started going out with her every weekend drinking. She started calling at 2am to be saved. He nearly followed her to another state because she was running away from her problems.
He says I never brought up my problems with that whole situation, except I did, he just never listened to me.
Then I stupidly had had enough and I cheated. He found out and it’s been a rough, tumultuous 5 months. He was angry which is understandable and I admit my actions were absolutely wrong and not the answer and I have no excuse. He became violent as well though and although he’s never hit me, he has grabbed me, pushed me down, screamed in my face, broken things (tv, shower screen, holes in walls) and our children have been witness which is even worse.
I’m done now. I want out!

1 Reply 1

Community Member

Hi Tiger04,

I am sorry to read about your story. These are always tough ones to give advice although I am not sure you are seeking advice rather than just looking for a place to vent. Either is totally fine as well. Have you made any decision on what you want to do? Cheating aside the physical violence, albeit not hitting is still present and is not good especially if the children are witnessing it.

One thing I will ask is, have you both tried a relationship counsellor or do you not want to be back with him at all? Have you made that decision?

Please, post back as much as you like, I am always happy to talk.

My best for you,