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I don’t know if I should break up with my boyfriend or not :(
So, I’ve been with my bf (25) for 2 years now. before I met him I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years which i’ve never really gotten over, due to the trauma.
Right now my partner and I are in a LDR. I was living near him but decided to go stay with my mother in another state because of the pandemic. long distance is hard, but we’ve been coping ok. my boyfriend is a sweetheart, he treats me very well. it is the most healthiest relationship i’ve ever had, which is amazing. however, he is very immature. he has never had a job even though he did go to college. he usually plays video games all day or sorts through his lego. he is a great artist and has potential but there are no jobs available in his area due to how competitive the field is. I’ve suggested he study another course that interests him, but he isn’t enthusiastic about that.
Sometimes I feel like i’m way more mature than he is and his immaturity really frustrates me. i’ve been through a lot of things and mentally I feel very mature, so there’s like this.. disconnection in who we are as people and what we’ve experienced. i’m 27 so there is definitely differences. we do share the same beliefs about the world, he is very intelligent which is part of why I fell in love with him originally.. but lately I just haven’t felt attracted to him like I did when we first met. it feels like we’re best friends, not lovers. I just don’t feel that spark. I don’t really know what to talk about anymore. it feels like our conversations are repetitive.
I know that if we broke up it would hurt. i’d miss his “good morning” messages every morning. I’d miss seeing him. i’m worried i’ll make a big mistake if I let this go. to add, I suffer from depression and anxiety. it has gotten worse lately. I don’t know if that has anything to do with it. I do feel like I am going into a different direction than him. I finished a course last year and am going to uni soon for a 4 year degree. I plan on staying with my mum so I can work casually and save money while I go to uni, which seems to make the most sense. I feel like this ldr will hold the both of us back? I want him to experience more of life and grow as a person. I just feel lost. I care so much about him but I don’t know where to go from here. all I know is that something doesn’t feel right. any advice would be appreciated
hI Violet Shanahan and welcome to beyond blue. I cannot give advice for a variety of reasons. It does sounds like you are weighing up the benefits of staying in the relationship vs leaving. Most big decisions create some anxiety of should I or shouldn't I - it would be frustrating, and perhaps you might have gotten some clarity in writing your post.
You also sound like a common sense person, stability perhaps control.It makes sense to the save money, do casual work, and study. Your bf sounds like the opposite? Arty, carefree, laid back? And did not seem too excited by your suggestion of study. I am just guessing here really.
Have you spoken to your bf about the thoughts you put into your post above? And the future?
And what you your friends said about this?
You could always examine, write up the list of pros and cons with staying vs going. It may be a little scientific but it would be one way.
The last suggestion might be some sort of the compromise between the both of you.
So I have probably not given you any answer. I would listen to you and be like a sounding board for you.