I don't feel depressed, sad or anxious...i just don't care about anyone

[Caresnot]

35, married. Life is good. House is nearly paid off, no other debts, have a wonderful family. Im not stressed or anxious and i don't feel sad.

I Love my family very much. i'm proud of my kids and the way they are growing up. I love my wife and the things we do together.

Outside of family, I find it hard to care about anyone and anything. I feel like i'm falling my way through every conversation and interaction.

People talk about and bring up both terrible and joyous events that happen close to home and abroad, and they genuinely seem to empathize and feel affected by them, but not me. I find myself forcing a smile or a grimace because for me, i genuinely do not care.

Weddings, birth announcements, birthdays, good fortune.... nothing.

Bombings, murders, scandals, disasters...nothing.

What's prompted my to come here is that at home, this not caring means that sometimes when my family is trying to talk to me or communicate with me about things that are important to them, they fly over my head and i miss what they are trying to tell me. I might not care about you or the rest of the world but I do care about my family.

Why don't I care about the rest of you and what happens to you? Why do I feel annoyed that I have to fake interest and conversation with you all? Why does the thought of self help/healing, being positive, embracing life and all of that make me roll my eyes?

Why don't I care? Am I broken?

[geoff]

Hi Caresnot, and welcome to the site.

I appreciate the care you have for your family and that's great, but what I can see is that you maybe suffering from depression, and I say this because when your family talk to you your mind is elsewhere.

Whether it's a birthday or something awful that happens, it doesn't matter, you have no emotion and that's also an indication your thoughts are very dark, that is depression of some type.

Pretending to be happy is another sign, but you are locking yourself in, which happens with this illness and no emotion with happiness or anger is present, it's just that everything bounces off you.

It's our job to help you, it doesn't matter how you feel about us, it's how we feel about you and what we can suggest helping bring you back to yourself.

I hope you can trust us because all of us have been through exactly what you are suffering from, and know how you feel, and the first place to go is to contact your doctor, who may prescribe medication, that's what I've been taking for over 20 years.

The doctor may also want to give you a 'mental health plan', which entitles you to 10 free sessions.

If you would like to reply to us then that's a good start.

We never criticise anybody only offer help from our own experience.

Geoff.

[GoodWitch]

Hi Caresnot

I think Geoff has it right, you might be depressed. I know 'depressed' brings to mind crying or deep sadness or anger, but it can be the very nothingness you describe as well. For me I sometimes feel that my mind disengages from what is happening around me because it is all too much and that is a way to cope. Other times I feel so much I cry at every sad song. For the most part I feel like I've just been going through the motions of life for a long time now, questioning if there's any meaning to any of it, and that tends to make a person feel nothing, or get to that 'what's the point' place. That might be what's going on with you--maybe not, but a good counsellor can help you dig deeper, find out where/when the nothingness originated.

It is absolutely terrific that you do care deeply for your family though. That proves that you are not broken. You can care and feel emotion. There is maybe just some reason why your brain shuts off from all the noise beyond what's right in front of you.

Hope this helps. Good luck,

GW

[Quercus]

Hi Caresnot and a belated welcome to the forums,

Curiously enough what made me feel the need to reply was the responses from Geoff and Good Witch. While sensible and kind replies, there was one thing that stood out to me...

If your lack of feeling about the world didn't affect your family would it bother you? Do YOU feel there is a problem you want to change? From your title and post I thought you seemed content in yourself apart from upsetting loved ones.

Reading your post I found myself smiling. My husband could have written that post. Part of me got defensive because I know my husband is not depressed. He is anxious and there are traumas I feel need to be addressed but it is not MY choice. He is content apart from the anxiety which manifests as high blood pressure.

His lack of caring seems hard to the outside world but to us (his loved ones) we see beneath the walls and guards. Like you he does feel and care. It is quite simply he reserves his effort to people he values. He disagrees but I see it as a defensive mechanism too. He keeps the world at bay by focusing only on what he can control. At the end of the day I love him how he is even if others find him cold.

So I understand your problem. When I talk about my day at times he tunes out or disregards things I feel are important. Volunteering here for example... He doesn't see the value of helping strangers. Generally he has no interest in reading or discussing anything I do here. And occasionally calls it me "messing about on my phone". Yes it hurts... a lot. I feel worthless and rejected and stupid at times.

What helps is me speaking my mind very bluntly. If I feel disregarded or hurt I've learnt to just say it. Tell him ok I get you don't care personally but this important to me and I feel worthless when you don't even want to know.

We try to compromise. He listens and I try keep the focus on how a situation has impacted ME or our family or kids so that he feels invested.

Or if the topic is important to me but he has no interest I ask him to just let me vent for a few minutes then cut me off and change the subject. I know he doesn't care but the fact he allows me time shows he cares for ME and that is enough.

I do hope you can sit down with your family and specifically ask what they see as hurtful. And find ways to compromise. It is possible.

I hope you return to talk more.

Nat

[Quercus]

PS.

A question though... Do you have any physical symptoms of mental illness (sleep problems, racing heart, high blood pressure)?

You don't seem interested in self help and that's ok. But I did want to mention that treatment doesn't always have to involve therapy. Some people don't trust people enough for ot to be effective. But there are ways that help.

Sorry of this is off topic. I already said this thread hits very close to home.

[Jagermyster]

35, married and confused... No real advice that I or anyone can give you... All I can think to say is that there is so much going on in the world it's hard to focus on anything...

You seem to want to focus on your family more and that sounds like something worth doing if it's something you want to do... How to get there, I have no idea but wish you the best in your journey!

Lol the older I get the more I realise that no one really knows what they are doing, we are all just making it up as we go along...

Great quote that I try to think of regularly: What we have done forourselves alone dies with us; what wehave done for others and the world remains and is immortal.