I can’t seem to get along with my siblings AT ALL. And feel like shit for it

[lost2019]

Hi

I currently live with my sister for over a year. We come from a divorced family. I lived with my mum for most of my up bringing and my sister and my brother lived with my dad for their up bringing occasionally I would visit on the weekend. My sister and I can get along well but there are times where I don’t want to show love to her, and I push her away. I always think she is out to control me if she does something for me she will always turn around and manipulate me. I don’t trust her I think. As well as my older brother (I’m the youngest) he thinks I’m an idiot and unworthy he teased me a lot growing up and constantly bullied me. I don’t have many fond memories of him. I’ve covered up my fear of him by praising him and thinking he is great eveytime he visits but I’m starting to realise as I get older and know myself. He treats me like I’m a joke, I understand he is my brother and that’s what they do sometimes, but it gets too much to the point I feel like I’m useless. My sister and him are very close and I think I resent that when they are both around. It shows in my behaviour I withdraw from them, avoid them and get defensive. I struggle to feel love for either of them and I feel confused and lost. I want to have a good relationship but also want to get away from them.

Is this normal? Do we need relationship counselling? I feel there is so many unresolved issues from the divorce and growing up apart. I was 4 when the family split, it wasn’t pretty.

[quirkywords]

welcome lost2019 to the forum.

Thanks for your post and for sharing your story.

Getting on with siblings can be difficult at times , but your situation is more complicated as you didn’t grow up with them.

I am the youngest in my family and my brothers would tease me and still do and I am a grandmother. if your brother is upsetting him cna you tell him how it makes you feel.

As you have not lived with your sister I am sure at times she will annoy you. learning to live with another person takes time and being flexible .

I think it is up to your brother and sister if they want to go to counselling. You could go to counselling yourself to help you make sense of your past.

I don’t think I know any brothers and sisters who don’t have some issues with each other.

What do you think will need to happen for your relationship with your brother and sister to change?

I am not sure what normal is and is there such a thing in relationships. I suppose we can just try our best to get along .

Thanks for writing your post.

Quirky

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[lost2019]

Hi Quirky

Thank you for your response, I appreciate your advice.

i agree it’s normal to not get on well with siblings, I suppose I compare myself with other people’s relationships and I wonder , it’s hard for me to find the desire to want to work on my issues with them. Since I hold so much pain and anger towards them and distrust. I’m greatful I have them around and my sister has been supportive but I also seem think she doesn’t mean it and it’s all manipulative way to control me.

I think I need to do a lot of work on myself, or just have my independence . I always feel better when I’m away from them and living my own life, but also I fall apart and end up going off the rails without the sense of security and support of living with family which I am greatful for. However I feel ill soon be ready to be on my own again.

Thank you for listening