I can't function by myself

[Hesse]

I'm going into year 11 high school and I am generally pretty happy with my small friendship group, but whenever I get away from them I realise I don't really like them at all. One of them has an ugly personality and the others accept it, and I just don't get along with them as well as I used to.

One of them has been on exchange for a few months, and every time I see her best friend texting her as soon and as often as she can I realise that none of them would do Te same for me. We're a group of five and the other four a kind of paired off, so I'm always the last choice for everything.

I want to make new friends, but I already know I don't get along that well with anyone else at school and have practically nothing in common with any of them either. I would leave my friends, as I can be pretty happy by myself, but the last time I did that I became depressed and reclusive, turning year 9 into the worst year of my life so far. Since then I've gone out of my comfort zone and rekindled relationships with my family and friends, only to realise looking back that I can hardly function without them.

i am often very shy and introverted (not very good in an Australian city) and since that year of depression my self-esteem dropped exceptionally before being built up from scratch, only to make a single bad decision and again have it dropped. Even now when I feel more confident in myself that never before, I can hardly function in school situations without these people I don't really like, and I don't even know why. And now I'm sick in a circle of wanting to leave them but not being able to because I don't have anywhere else to go and the fear of again isolating myself from the family I've become very close to along with my friends.

i don't know how to talk about this with other people so I hope some of you will read through my problems, and that you have advice on what I should do. this situation has caused me a lot of pain and I just don't know what to do anymore

[Kazzl]

Hi Hesse, welcome to the forum. Well done for posting here, I know that's not easy, and I can see you are really struggling with some painful stuff.

It's a long time since I was your age, but even so I remember clearly how important friends were and how painful it was when friendship groups changed or I fell out with someone. I remember too always wanting to be different - more cool, more chatty, more like others. It's a massive thing that messes with our heads.

I'm not sure what to say to help you in the present situation, but what I can tell you, from the perspective of many years later, is that things change. Change is really the one constant in life. And you change too as you get older. Sometimes we fear that, or we think we already know how things are going to be, but inevitably the change is not what we expected. And if we can look for the positives and the opportunities, we can find that new and surprisingly good things happen.

I guess I'm telling you this because you're going into year 11. I remember that to be a time quite different from the rest of my high school years. For me it was like suddenly growing up - thinking about university, career, driving etc. Pressures in themselves, but also opportunities to meet new people, try new things ... no longer a kid. And I remember the established friendships of high school all seemed to break up and reform differently as people started to leave behind the 'peer pressure' thing of 'groups' and who they could hang out with.

Try to keep an open mind mate. The changes you're facing could be good.

I also suggest that you take a look at our board for young people, in particular the Friendship Cafe - you'll find people your own age there to talk to, many of whom have been through similar experiences.

Best wishes to you Hesse, I hope you'll keep posting, here or wherever you feel comfortable.

Cheers

Kaz