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Husband won't sleep in bed with me.

Community Member

Hi all, i'm just after some advice, my husband and I have been together for a total of 10 years and married for over 2, we have recently returned from a Holiday in Greece and had decided to start trying for a baby, once we returned it all went downhill from there, So long story short my husband is suffering from depression, he has been for awhile and it has caused many difficulties in our relationship over the years, when he has his episodes he blames it on me and he refuses to get any sort of professional help due to bad childhood experiences, I myself suffer from addiction, anxiety, depression and bipolar which for the most part I have learnt to live with and control , however when my husbands depression kicks in he find any reason to blame me, he says i belittle him or that i don't want him because most of the time I have low libido due to my anxiety and stress, he seems to take it personally even though I repeatedly reassure him its not him, anyway so since we have returned his depression has kicked back in and he has decided he would rather sleep on the couch instead of in bed with me, this started a week ago because i didn't put my phone away quick enough when I went to bed and he got angry and slept on the lounge, now this has triggered my depression and anxiety and i'm feeling quite hopeless right now, he is treating me like a roommate, wont show me any affection and wont talk to me unless its completely necessary, this weekend he is going away to his dads farm to help him so I was hoping the space might help until he asked me to clear the spare room so he can use it. Now i'm here trying to keep myself together, i'm trying not to let it get to me, i have doing my best to keep calm, cooking dinner, cleaning and giving him space but nothing seems to be improving and now all i want to do is fall back into my addiction to keep myself from falling apart again, iv seen professionals in the past, but they just tell me the same thing and refer me to a psychiatrist to be put on meds which i never go to because well i'm an addict so i don't see how putting pills in front of me will help.. some advice would be appreciated.

3 Replies 3

Community Member

Not sure about his reasons but could be similar to mine

I usually go sleep in the spare bed because I can't stop the thoughts I have going on in my own head, and I cant sleep and start to get annoyed and frustrated.

I do it because I need time out, typically nothing to do with the mrs

Good luck

Hi, thanks for your reply, you were pretty much were spot on, we ended up working things out once he returned and he told me what was on his mind, I just wish i could help him when he gets in those moods but its like he completely switches off and blocks me out.. I just get so scared that one day the thoughts in his head will get the better of him, i know he has depression but what do i do when he refuses to get help about it..


I am glad you worked out what was wrong and he spoke to you. I just googled this topic to try and understand why my husband won't sleep next to me. We have only been married for 8 months 😞

This is supposed to be our honeymoon phase. We only moved in together permanently after we got married. In the whole 8 months, I can count the nights he slept in the bed next to me on 1 hand.

When I have asked him, he says it's because he likes the TV on in the background when sleeping so he falls asleep on the couch. A couple of time I have woken up and he would be sound asleep. Id carefully wake him to tell him to come to bed but then he says he is still watching and doesn't want to sleep yet. In other words, I think he is just making excuses.

I have suffered anxiety and depression for a long time. Recently stopped medication and trying more natural remedies. Sounds like a really stupid thing to be upset about. But it really gets to me. I am upset and also angry.

I am going to place a small TV in the bedroom now. I am already expecting another excuse or some made up reason for it not being good enough and expecting for him to stay on the couch. Honestly, I know it's petty, but I don't want to be in this relationship if that is what he is going to say.