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Husband verbally abuses me, feel so alone
Your post caught my attention because I recently came to the realisation that I am verbally abusing my partner of almost 7 years, and have been doing so basically the entire relationship. I know this might sound weird that I'm replying to you, but I feel for you so much.
It really does sound like he has a lot of issues, and is feeling completely out of control. I can understand all his trigger points - His job, your baby, poor mental health, probably not a lot of sleep with a newborn, and then fighting with you constantly and then pretending everything is fine for the rest of the world. But none of those are excuses to treat you the way he is. He needs to take responsibility for his actions.
You must be so exhausted both emotionally and physically. I've seen first hand the effects my abuse has on my partner, and it destroys me. He went from being this outgoing, friendly, caring and loving guy to a shadow of himself, shy and scared, lacking confidence in himself and has a very low self esteem. I'm fairly sure most of that is because of how I've been treating him.
It sounds like you need to do what's best for you. Your husband needs to get help, but you can't force him to do so. He needs to realise how his actions are affecting you, and realise that he's abusing you, and then he needs to take the steps to get the help he needs. You can definitely try to talk with him about it, perhaps try a different avenue, but in the end you need to do what is best for YOU.
For me, it took my partner breaking up with me and 2am after a massive fight to get it through to me. Even then, this has happened before and we've worked through and came up with plans to get better. But this latest time was different - I think seeing my partner break down in tears because even though he loved me, he was ending our relationship, kicked me into gear.
I realised that I had gone too far, and there was no going back. We both calmed down and spoke well into the early hours of the morning, and eventually agreed to keep trying. But I knew something was different - This was my last chance. I kept thinking over it, and 2 days later when I was trying to go to sleep I realised I was abusing him. Like literally, verbally abusing him. Since then I made an emergency appointment with my psych and I'm hoping I can start the road to a better life.
But I also know, if I don't get better, he will leave me because it's what's best for him. And I don't blame him for it.
Hope this helps 🙂