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Husband so detached and cold

Community Member
I married for the second time about 4 years ago. My 1st marriage ended after 21 years when he had an affair. I was very slow to trust anyone again but H was so loving and caring that when he asked me to marry him I said yes. About 2 years ago he started a very stressful job and became exhausted, withdrawn, uncommunicative and put on weight. I think he may be depressed but he wont talk to me about anything. If I bring stuff up, he clams up and acts deaf. He is now saying that everyone, including me bother him and when I call him out on not talking to me or even looking at me I am adding to his stress. I try to be understanding but my own stress and anxiety builds until I just have to say something to get a conversation started. Last night he said he couldn't give me what I wanted - i was asking for reassurance and hope that things would get better and when I asked why he wouldn't look at me he said he couldn't be bothered with the conversation and he had nothing to say. I'm so hurt and I feel so stupid - like I've let myself down by being fooled by another man who has let me down. I'm ready to leave but have nowhere to go and a 16 year old daughter who looks on him as a dad. I'm sleeping in another room but it doesn't seem to bother him. My heart feels broken and I'm so sad and so alone. I'm not one to open up and tell people my issues. I'll be at work tomorrow pretending everything is ok and that in itself is destroying me.
2 Replies 2

Community Member

Give it a couple more years until your daughters 18 or it will be so damaging to her .

Besides , you don't know what the problem is but it might be nothing to do with you he might just be too depressed or stressed to put in any effort right now.

Wondering to though have you changed , put on wait , nag , dress different, only talk about house, bills and things that have to be done and all that ? lt's very common once people hit the comfort zone but often we don't even realize. That's all stuff that changed me with my w.

try not to pressure him and try to make some changes if some of those things are you lately,.

Anyway , thing is it's only been 4yrs , high pressured job the last two , that alone is big. But a marriage is worth fighting for at least a few more years especially for your daughter.

Good luck.

Community Member
you have described my life but all with same husband. I don't really have any solutions for you ... I guess Im back on here maybe looking for my answers. I couldn't go past and not reach out to you though as I know how painful it is to be held at arms length and held responsible for your partners misery whilst juggling their needs and possible depression with your own anxiety. Big hugs to you xoxo