husband smokes pot daily - dont like it

[broc]

Hi

please no judgement I just need some helpful advice Please.

i have been with my partner for over 20 years and he use to smoke pot daily and stopped about 2 years ago, he started smoking a joint once a week now it’s bongs every day after work and earlier on weekends.

he says he smokes pot to relax and calm down as he is very stressed. He recently took time off work due to a mini break down and he was looking for reasons that caused it from too much sugar to a nose spray he was using- the truth is his pot use increased and in my heart I feel it was a big contributor to the breakdown as he won’t deal with things as weed fixes everything. I sent him to dr and he was given antidepressants- I was fortunate enough to speak with his dr as he asked if I was concerned about his mental health state and I said yes and told him about my husband smoking pot my hubby never mentioned that to the dr.

today I asked him to please cut back on pot and it was like I asked him to chop off his leg his response was oh so u wAnt me to stop the only thing I have, stop the only thing that relaxes me and oh it’s all about you... I only asked him to cut back but lately when I ask anything he twists my words causes an argument and blames it on me. And he says nasty things about my mental health to me things like he couldn’t be with me if I wasn’t on meds 😟 (I have PTSD) and have been proactive about my condition. And to top it off today he said I can’t waitvto have a room in the house where I can sit in my comfy chair and smoke weed instead of you sending me to the shed ( I won’t allow it near my daughter who is 11)

so today he made sure I knew he wanted in bed all day sulking about me questioning his pot he had none and he isn’t nice to be around

so it’s like he has become over defensive about his pot habit he changes words around and is becoming more hurtful when he isn’t stoned but when he is stoned he is nice

I’m stuck I don’t want my daughter to grow up thinking daily pot smoking is the way you deal with stress and I’m a very loyal person and find it hard to leave - I would like to help hubby get better but just not sure how to go about it

[Croix]

Dear Broc~

Welcome here, I've read you comments about your husband's brother and you have my sympathy, these are a hard set of situations to be in.

Actually I'm pretty impressed you have set up boundaries to protect your daughter by getting oyur husband to smoke outside. And I'd worry too that being aware of constant use can give an impressionable mind the idea that it is a good way to deal with things.

From the sound of it you husband is dependent on weed and sees it as a legitimate means of dealing wiht his stress. I guess if he had thought it was a problem that needed fixing he would have mentioned it to the doctor, rather than you having to do so.

Incidentally I don't know what effect cannabis will have on the meds he was given, so it was a good thing you did tell the doctor.

I can't really make any sensible fix-it suggestions. I'm sure you already know for anyone on weed or drink or even smokes to give up they first have to recognize - and really believe - there is a problem and want to change things.

That is the point at which specialist help, GP, psychologist, support group etc can do some good.

You know the whole situation first-hand, what do you think are (realistically) your options?

Croix

[broc]

love my hubby and desperately want to help him

thank you for your reply I really felt like I needed to vent last night and have another opinion on the situation

I feel my approach will be baby steps and not nagging my hubby too much

the dr is great and has encouraged me to talk to him if I have any concerns about him so I’ll make an appointment and just tell him everything then he can adjust meds accordingly

thank u got reading and responding

[geoff]

Hello Bro, welcome and no, there won't be any judgement made, just want to talk to you.

Marijuana just as alcohol does take that misunderstanding and any reasonability away from someone else who only wants empathy and who isn't addicted, so you are facing two battles here, his smoking and his personality.

Addiction is not easy to cure if it's a problem and causes family disruption, and the worry is that your daughter is going to smell and see his weed smoking, where the bong will be left out in view by mistake, this is a concern for you.

Hope to hear back from you as there is more you might want to tell us and we also want to tell you.

Geoff.

[broc]

Thank u Geoff

i just want to be supportive to hubby but protective of my daughter at the same time.

i must admit he is responsible with his stash and tools,

Being able to talk with his dr is helpful, the dr can’t release info to me but I’m welcomed to see him if I have concerns

I am scared as I’ve never seen him like this, stressed and using pot to calm down

i don’t want to judge him but I just don’t agree with daily pot use, recreational every now and then I have no problems but every day use I believe is an addiction

when he was calm last night I said all I want you to do is cut back as I don’t want our daughter to ever feel ok and think it’s normal to smoke out to relieve/handle stress

he understands so I’m just going to take it slowly so I don’t come across nagging as that approach seems to be better

thank u, it’s good to be able to be honest and open and talk to others on here as it’s not something easily discussed with family

[geoff]

Hello Bro, thanks for getting back to us, I absolutely understand where you are coming from and how you feel, can I get back to you in the morning as I start very early in the morning at about 12.30 am every day, so now is when I log off, but this doesn't mean you can't say whatever else you want to.

Different thoughts came to mind and there maybe other important incidents that you want to talk about, and there have been others caught in the same trap who are reading your thread with great interest.

Take care tonight.

Geoff.