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Husband says he loves me but I don't feel it
I've been married around 10 years and we have a child.
There's very little intimacy in our marriage. When we are home together, my husband is either on his phone or on the computer. I just feel that we are living together.
He doesn't have friends outside of work or has any hobbies. He goes out for drinks sometimes after work but not often.
I feel lonely and yearn for an equal relationship. I feel responsible for everyone in the family.
We have discussed my feelings and I have said I've considered leaving. He says he loves me but nothing ever changes.
I have no money to leave but I also feel that I cannot stay in an unhappy marriage.
Can anyone offer any suggestions?
Even if you dont like the outdoors I'd suggest camping even if it's overnight.
Recently we found a national park one hour from Melbourne. You csn download an app "wikicamps".
If you make a rule- no phone no computer. It can be just overnight. It can be with a three man size tent. It might save your marriage?
Beyondblue Topic revovery idea- camping
We have our caravan. Kids love them, like a cubby house.
You can seek counseling. See your GP first for that.
Complacency is common over the long term. Give a few ideas a try.
Sorry you are feeling this way.
Are you able to get a baby sitter maybe once a month and go on a "date night" find some new interests, rediscover your old interests?
If your in a position to do so, could you take a small holiday with your child, just the two of you and have a little space from each other. Come back together with clear heads and an open mind, refreshed and open to discuss new ways to rediscover yourselves in your relationship.
It is good to hear that you have voiced your feelings to your husband and that he says he loves you.
I guess this is positive start.
But you say that nothing ever changes, and that you are not in an equal partnership and take responsibility for everyone.
I am wondering if you can try having that discussion again with him, telling him how you are still feeling, and maybe coming up with some practical suggestions for how you would like things to change? I don't know what this might be, but it could be things like having a date night at home once a week- eg cook a meal together and watch a movie, (no phones or computers), or that he helps with an aspect of housework, or that you go walking together on Saturday mornings - I don't know.
But him saying he loves you is a positive sign that you might he able to brainstorm some ways of becoming happy together again. Sometimes we need to remind each other in our partnerships of what we need and desire, because it can sometimes be easy to get a bit lazy.
If you have some practical, specific ideas to gently nudge him, it might help. Plus, maybe ask him if there are things he would like to change, or do together, is there anything that would make him happier ...
Just some ideas.
Thank you Birdy77.
Since my original post, things have been better between us. We have gone through a lot in the past couple of years with his family. It put significant strain on our marriage.
We both have been mindful about having quality time together. We are trying to make more time for date nights and even saw a movie together last week, which was lovely. It was nice to reconnect.
Thanks for taking the time to reply.