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Husband, no filter

Community Member

So I need some advice, my husband gets home from work after we had a argument over the phone to find me, the kids and my mum, I can see he's angry, kicking stuff, yelling, carrying on like an imbecile. Then he turns around and calls my family scavengers in front of my mum. He has a tendency of putting my family down and making rude comments to their faces. He says if he's provoked why should he sit back and take it. I agree sometimes they deserve it but is that ok? Is it ok to put that pressure on me. I was shocked and knew this was going to make things very difficult for me. It's clear to say my mum is not happy about his behaviour or his comments and is really worried for our marriage. I never speak to his family with dis respect no matter what but he does to mine. It's made my Christmas uncomfortable and awkward. I don't know how to go about this now...

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Maddy,

I have just had a look at the New Posts and have found you here, (after having chatted with you on the BB Café thread.)

In a situation like the one you described, would it have been possible for your Mum to have the children in one room while you talked to your husband in another? Or did he just storm in the house blazing away being very angry?

Would it have been possible to ask him to stop behaving that way. Ask him to go outside and come back in again, to tell him his behaviour was very inappropriate and that you would talk to him when he calmed down.

Did the situation get any better later on?

Is it possible to have some couples counselling or for you to go and talk to someone yourself?

It sounds like your Mum is supportive and concerned for you. In the Café thread you mentioned your children are young, how does your husband react with the children?

Do you have time to do things that you enjoy to help make your days more special for you? Do you have friends you get out with?

How would your husband react if you asked him to sit down and talk reasonably with you?

A lot of questions you can ignore, think about, ponder or deal with any way you like.

I know communicating is not always easy. Sometimes my husband just walks away from me or turns up the radio or the T.V. Sometimes I just need to be the best person I can be regardless of what is happening around me.

It can also be very difficult when you feel like you are in the middle between your own family and your partner.

If you don't mind me asking, how are you spending Christmas? Do you manage to see his family as well as your own? Hopefully you will find ways to either speak up respectfully or decide it is not worth the bother. Hopefully you can focus on the children and make Christmas special for them regardless what happens.

Cheers to you from Dools

Community Member

Hi dools fancy seeing you here! He stormed our front yard actually kicking stuff, behaving like an idiot to be honest in front of all of us. Something I wouldn't have wanted the kids to see but they did. We were already outside playing with the kids.. dools, when he gets angry there's no reasoning with him he says and does stupid things that make me question if I want this life anymore. I wouldn't say the situation is great. He works 6 days a week to keep us afloat and I know he's feeling the stress and pressure, to the point his blood pressure is through the roof for a young guy! He seems to be up for counselling we've done it before but I have to say the psychologist we saw I thought was quite inappropriate.. you don't wanna know. I feel like I'm going in a big circle this happens, we discuss, he seems to understand then I'm back at square one. He's not very good at communicating or listening which make it difficult. I know my family are pulling away from him due to his comments and outbursts but he's always justifying himself and I'm left to pick up the pieces hence my unease and high levels of anxiety at the moment. We always make the effort to see both families, his for lunch and mine for dinner. However, this year his brother and wife has decided to change it to a late lunch at 3! Yep 3, how does that work when we need to see me family too it's just ridiculous. So there's been huge problems. They've changed it to half hour earlier but we live an hour away so we've decided to not go which means we don't see his fam Christmas Day. Problem is my husbands parents think the sun shines out of his brothers butt so my hubby comes second..

the whole thing is so complicated arrgh