Hello Kowhai, and a warm welcome to the site, I am terribly sorry that you are in this position, as I was in exactly the situation as your husband and know that not only he needs help but also realise that you should also be talking to someone, starting with your doctor, that's something my ex didn't do, unfortunately.
When your husband has chronic anxiety, trauma and now depression and daily suicidal thoughts then as much as you love him, anything you do to try and help him, he may not be able to respond to, only because of his illness and please you shouldn't take any blame at all, something you need to realise, and in saying that, it means that you need help just as well as he does because you have yourself and your 2 young kids who will be asking you questions, that you might not be able to answer.
Help for these 2 can be found on Kids Helpline, 1800 55 1800 by trained counsellors, who dress in casual clothes, which can break down a barrier and make it much easier for them to talk to.
Some people suffering use alcohol as a self medication, that's what I did and in hindsight, I wish I hadn't, but I can't change past tense, now I don't drink at all.
It's not easy for someone suffering to understand the love shown by their family and it's impossible for them to even mention this to another person, simply because this illness prevents them from knowing what it actually means.
One way to understand what this means is to talk with your doctor, where they may suggest offering you a 'mental health plan', which entitles you to 10 Medicare paid sessions per year, although because of this virus you may be able to have more sessions, your doctor will know.
At the moment please look after yourself and your two kids, as this is your thread, but please come back so we can talk about your husband and ask any question you like.
Take care.
Geoff.
