FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Husband might have depression

Agreen
Community Member

My husband and I are not in a good position relationship wise, we do not talk, there is no connection, our conversations are completely transactional in nature, there is no discussion of a shared future. However, putting that to the side, I read the signs and symptoms of depression page on the BB website, and I think that he is suffering from many of the symptoms.

I am thinking that maybe he has depression, but I am not a trained professional in this area and I am wondering what I can do to talk to him about it, how should I convince him to go to the doctor and talk to someone?

Even if we don't talk and our relationship is falling apart i still love him and he has never been good about going to the doctor, to the point that he had a serious physical injury for 3 days before he went to doctor (who sent him to hospital immediately) because he thought he could just push through it.

Im worried that if I just outright talk to him and suggest he see someone it will just cause the rift between us to increase even more.

4 Replies 4

geoff
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Agreen, unfortunately, if the two of you aren't really talking or able to hold a conversation then the chances are if you suggest he needs to see his doctor, then he may refuse to, even though he may be suffering from some type of depression.

Does he see a friend who may come to your house who may suggest he does, or even say he'll go with him, somehow this may need to be approached from another angle.

Or perhaps if he works and you do know the counsellor then maybe you could talk with them, another suggestion is to tell him if he sees his doctor then he may be able to have time off work with a certificate, or he may be seeing them already, which you don't know about and taking medication which has not 'kicked' in yet.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

blondguy
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Agreen

I understand your pain ...I have had depression/anxiety for a long time and didnt 'get it' until my GP really told me off 30 years ago.....

Can I ask if you have offered to go with your husband to a GP/Counsellor?

The forums are a safe and non judgmental place for you to post Agreen

my kind thoughts

Paul

Agreen
Community Member

Hi Paul,

In the past I have gone to the doctor with my husband, but that was well before the issues in our marriage really seem to have formed.

If he goes to the doctor these days he does not tell me that he is going or ask me to join him. He doesn't really tell me where he is going or what he is doing anymore. I am pretty sure that he would say no if I offered as well and take it as me be being 'nosey' as that is what he thinks about most questions i ask him these days.

I feel like even just having a basic conversation in the evening is a painful experience for him as he gives short non-thoughtful answers, for example, he will give me a simple "ok" response when i ask how his day went, but i have heard him talk to his friend on the computer and he gives details about his day to them, one evening he said ok to me and then later that night, proceeded with his friends to detail what sounded like a really shit day at work for him.

Agreen
Community Member

Hi Geoff,

I think you are right, if I suggest anything to him I imagine it will be seen as nosey and would not action the idea.

He has friends, but since covid none have come over and he doesn't really go out either, all his friends are the same, they have not caught up in person for over a year, and he doesn't seem to want to go out.

I don't think his reluctance to going to the doctor is related to work and certificates, i think it was more his upbringing, he was raised on a farm and so he is used to doing 95% of things himself, he says stuff like "when i was growing up you just had to fend for yourself" and so he doesn't see the need to do it.

I have booked into see a counsellor regarding a marriage but the time frame is a way away, they are busy, as is most places where i live it seems.