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Husband may be gay. Warning Explicit details. What do I do?
I find it amusing when partners have secrecy with emails and social media- why?.
My wife can pick up my phone anytime, read my emails, answer my phone and I don't care as there is zilch to find. My theory is that cyber space has made flirting, affairs, etc more accessible. All they need to do is take precautions stopping access to their partner.
In your case it's subjective. If I was you I'd wait, as you say he's a good dad and person. There is not enough evidence that leads to him returning to any past lifestyles but I'd be cautious and you have enough reason to remain suspicious.
During the next few years I would work on your closeness with him to the point that he agrees to cease with any secrets.
I hope that helps.
Welcome here to the Forum, it's a difficult thing to lay out such personal details and I'm sorry you have had to. It is also heartbreaking to find your partner does not love you as you expected.
The first thing I would say is that the way you obtained the information does not change the facts, if he has had affairs with men and women then that is a fact, trust and privacy is not really an issue
As an aside you can always print out or photograph the emails and messages should you wish. I'm not sure how productive having such proof would be. You now have an accurate idea of him anyway, and that includes being unfaithful while you were pregnant and probably even more importantly dishonesty.
I'm not sure you have to seek out any more truth. As for finding out what he wants I can think of no reliable means, he may not know himself.
You talk of coming to some sort of arrangement, an open marriage in fact . You did not enter married life with this in mind and I wonder what the effects would be on you long term.
Might I suggest that you seek more experienced council before deciding what to do. Relationships Australia - 1300 364 277 might be a good starting point.
You are welcome to talk things over here anytime
Hi 82Milly, this must be difficult due to you having kids together, whatever the outcome...
I don't know you or your partner obviously, but sharing a bit of my story might help to fill in a blank or two; that's the premise anyway.
Around 14, I started questioning my sexuality and sexual preferences. It was a confusing time, due to having issues at home with my folks and siblings. Let alone the social stigma of a species still in the dark ages on this front. Things are progressing slowly, there's this at least.
Everyone's unique, so I'm not sure if what I'm about to share will be of any assistance, but for myself I guess the truth is, that although I am at the point of looking to enter a serious relationship with the opposite sex (I'm M), one that hopefully we can create a family with but if not, to just be together as life partners.
If I happened to meet a very special man, I'd probably just as likely fall for that person. Irrespective of their sex. I'm a hopeless romantic. To be fair, I'm probably not your average mid 30's Aussie either.
What my years have taught me thus far, is I've actually the capacity to fall in love with a soul over a sex. This discovery only came to light after digging up this repressed stuff... and working through my feelings around this once hard to accept fact. Some early experimenting I guess (not all the way), taught me that love really is in the eye of the beholder. There are men (and women), who can relatively effortlessly look past genitalia, whether if seeking some fun, or a life partner. I prefer women, but a beautiful soul is a beautiful soul in my eyes.
This is a bit of a stab in the dark, but is there a chance that your partner might actually have an addiction to sex? Does he look at porn a lot, even if it's with you? Personal questions, asked only to possibly assist you to find some clarity in this. Actually, please don't answer as they were only intended to stir thoughts for you that you might have not considered.
If this isn't the case then I guess you've got two options here; take him on his word and if you ever find out otherwise, just know that this is about him, not you. Sexual preference can even be fuild and changing. We're a complicated species.
Now serial cheating; if it were me, I'd have to move forward without my partner, even if kids were involved. Our sanity and esteem is our most priceless asset. No one deserves to have theirs taken by a confused soul or worse, a covert narcassist etc.
Best of luck.