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Husband left me

Community Member
Hey all. I really need to vent in a safe space. Last week my husband of 15 years left me and our son and our dog. He says he loves me but is not in love with me and needs to figure out what he’s going to do with the rest of his life. My son and I were in tears and he conducted himself so coldly. Basically said that how he feels is more important than us. I am so tired and so scared. I’ve been a stay at home mum for 19 years and have no real work experience. I’m scared I won’t be able to provide for my 13 year old. He’s turning 40 next year and I’m thinking it might be a mid life crisis. I had one but I didn’t turn my back on my family, whenever I tried to leave he’s manipulate me into staying. Getting my friends to text me to tell me that I was doing the wrong thing. But now that he wants to go, there’s no stopping him. I just don’t know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Especially from those who have come out the other side.
24 Replies 24

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Odette,

welcome to beyond blue. I don't really know what to say to you - they way you described it, it sounds as though you were not provided with any real explanation of what happened. And now you are in the position of not really know what to do next.

It is easy to say that he should provide financial support for his child, and there may be work opportunities for you, yet that would not help you with the emotional pain you would be feeling at the present moment, and for your son as well.

Please note this is a space to talk or vent - there are others users who have been in similar positions to yourself, who will accept and support you in this time.

Have you been able to talk to any family or friends about what happened?

What sort of outcome do you want?


Community Member
I feel your pain
My husband of 17 years has just said the exact same to me and moved out. You can search my thread and read the story if you wish and comment on their and we can try to support each other.
I also have 2 boys and they are devastated and have no idea why their father would do this to us. We were a very loving family.
I was told the same.... I love you as the mother of our children but not as a husband should love his wife!
My husband is 43 and his mother told me she believed this was a mid life crisis but who knows. It didn't make the person left behind feel any better.
As everyone keeps telling me... take care of yourself as we need to be strong for our children. Easier said than done some days.
My boys refuse to have any contact with their father.
I really hope you can speak with him and maybe suggest some counselling to start you off.
Have you been able to speak with him if he is willing to work on it?

Community Member
Hi Odette,
Thats an awful situation you find yourself in.

The circumstances are probably quite different, but I went through a difficult separation about a year ago.

I could perhaps offer you all kinds of sensible advice, but none of it eases the pain and fear and anger that you are experiencing now. I really feel for you.

The anger and resentment that you might be feeling towards your husband at the moment takes up a lot of energy.
If you can, try and reclaim a bit of that energy and do something for yourself each day.

Even if its just spending 5 minutes venting on an internet forum, just something for yourself, not the kids, not the dog and not the husband. Just you.

Not much help I know, but whatever the outcome you'll get through this.
Maybe not unscathed, but through it.

Take care

Hi Tim,

I do have family that I can talk too. But they really care about him. And have only seen the ‘good’ side of him. We had an argument, not unlike we have had before but this time he just packed his things and left. Then told me he loves me but is not in love with me stuff. I was blindsided. I just don’t know what to do. Being in the thick of it and my emotions are so full on. I’m just tired and scared for the future.

He is not willing to work on it. He thinks we have drifted too far apart and doesn’t want to do anything to get us back together. Including counselling. You’re right, the person left behind cops all of it. While off he goes off and has all the freedom of the world. I’m so sorry it’s happened to you too. It’s the worst feeling, thinking you’re incapable of being loved or in any way loveable. And all the time wasted.

I guess it being so raw does make it hard to see any benefits of what he’s done. I have the dog and the son to look after, while trying to navigate an entire new way of life at his behest. 3 weeks ago if someone told me I’d be doing this, I would have thought they were crazy. But this is where I am, and it sucks. I guess I can at least focus on raising our son and trying to better our lives. It just seems so daunting.

It is all very daunting and some days I am not sure where to start and how to continue but I then look at the boys and have to pick myself up.
I think the time of year also isn't helping. So many memories of great times together at xmas and knowing we won't this year.
I Tell myself to feel 1% better than the day before and hopefully this will help. We are here for you. I try to make it to 9.30pm each night then have a melt down.

Community Champion
Community Champion
Hi. How are you feeling today? From your last post to me you said you were very tired. I suppose there also a feeling of emptiness as well? A person who was a large part of your life is no longer there? And whether there is anger or sadness over what has happened also recognise your strength - not just in coming here but in your roles as wife and mother. What would you like to talk about?


Community Member

Hi Odette

My wife left ten months ago, quite suddenly.

I understand how difficult it can be. It’s the most trying thing I’ve been through by far.

But with time, day by day you will recover. I still have some bad weeks as we are now going through all the “joy” of a custody dispute but as far as the relationship I once had, I don’t mourn for it anywhere near what I did.

For me, focusing on my children and bettering myself for them made a massive difference to recovering and feeling better.

My main advice is this. Don’t hold onto resentment and anger even if warranted. Initial days and months that will be hard not to do, but I’ve let go and feel so much better for doing so. My life is consumed in moving forward with my kids, transitioning into a new lifestyle. Bit by holding a grudge. The other half didn’t and unfortunately is finding this process now harder than me even though she initiated it.

I wish you all the best during this difficult time. The fact your child is your focus will help you push through this and out the other side eventually.