Husband left 6 weeks after our wedding but Says it’s not because of me. Says he wants to be with me but makes no effort to fix things

[Britt1992]

About a year before we got married, I started noticing some changes in my husbands mental health. I tried to get him to get help which he has done but inconsistently. He’s had a terrible childhood emotionally. He has an anxious attachment to his toxic parents and that has been an issue in our relationship for years as I’ve always felt like I’m not his first priority. He started not coming home sporadically once he met this group of guys at his new job and has gone down a troubled path. I blindly put these changes down to cold feet and truly thought it would all settle once we got married. He begged me to keep the wedding on as he said it was the only thing keeping him going and he couldn’t wait to marry me.
however after our wedding it was as if all the excitement was over and he spiralled into a sort of “come down”. Now 7 months later he’s moved out but says he just needs some time to get himself better on his own but still wants to stay married. It’s been an emotional roller coaster. In the last month things were looking so promising he was making slow but really good progress in himself and with me. 2 days before Christmas I needed emergency surgery. It was a scary time for me and not having him with me made it so much worse. He felt really horrible about not being there when I needed him most. Guilt is the emotion he struggles with most and now hasn’t spoken to me in 2 weeks.

I’m beyond broken and confused and I miss my dogs (which he has) he won’t respond to me and after 7 months of this I am just feeling so lost and conflicted and rejected. My self worth has gone down the drain. I literally hate everything about myself I struggle to even leave the house. I don’t know how to start healing when I feel so deeply sad. I’m in limbo and all paths ahead just seem to hard.

[geoff]

Hello Britt, firstly I'm deeply sorry for needing surgery just before Christmas, wanting your husband to be there for you, but wasn't able to for whatever reason.

This is the time when you would expect them to drop everything and come to be by your side and you must feel very disappointed, especially when there has been no contact for 2 weeks and having the dogs away from you.

I'm not a doctor but I can see that this is all too confusing for you, he says he wants to stay married but unsure what steps he's taking to get back with you because if he's still going out with this group of guys at his new job and continued to go down a troubled path is what you don't know about.

Are you able to contact him and ask him what he's doing and please remember this is not your fault, he was troubled before you got married but still wanted to get married and this is something I'd like to talk about with you.

You are not to blame from what you've told us, but you desperately are wanting answers from him.

Can I suggest you please contact your doctor and you may be able to do this by phone.

Please stay with us.

Geoff.