Husband has started hiding alcohol from me

[Fiona7990]

I don't know what to do next.

My husband has always drunk a lot, has suffered from bouts of depression and anxiety - using alcohol to cope with it. He is never abusive toward me, but goes into spirals of self doubt, blaming himself for things that haven't even happened or beating himself up mentally over the littlest things. When he drinks or has has a long period of binge drinking his reactions to certain circumstances are way over the top, like he can't check or control himself emotionally.

We've made great progress, not drinking on weekdays and cutting back on weekends.

I've gone back to work in the office full-time after working from home together during COVID. Last night when I got home he said he caved and bought beer (just a 6 pack) but I could tell he was drunk. He was also being really depressed. I just thought it was an episode.

Tonight I came home and he was visibly upset, crying uncontrollably and saying he has been so strong but has let himself down. After comforting him, he made dinner and came to sit beside me on the couch. He was swaying and couldn't keep his head up. After I repeatedly asked what was wrong, it clicked that he was wasted.

With no evidence of alcohol in the house I asked him where it was. He had hidden it up high in our cupboard, the 1litre bottle of bourbon almost gone from last night and today. He has never hidden it from me before. Im terrified this is the start of something worse. I don't know where to go from here.

[Tay100]

Hi Fiona7990

I'm sorry to hear that you are in distress because of your husband's behaviour despite your best efforts to work as a team and address things slow and steady. This is admirable but can go wrong at the best of times. Remember, it's not your fault, you are trying your best. Don't blame yourself; be self-compassionate- what might that look like for you, with everything going on?

As for your husband, his deception may have hurt you, but he is probably in pain and deserves compassion too. Is there anyone in your lives who reach out to him? Or support you as try to address the issue with him? It might help if you know where his head is at before moving forward together. Let us know how this goes, if you like.

Tay100

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

A good reply from Tay.

I think a relapse is acceptable in any type of addiction particularly if he has sorrowful regrets.

Be forgiving but from.

TonyWK