Husband cheating?

[Ocelot1771]

I haven't any direct evidence, but I have an uncomfortable 'vibe' about my husband lately. He has a bathroom cupboard full of hair dye for grey hair (he's 53 and starting to grey a bit), teeth whiteners, breath fresheners, and Aldara cream (one of the uses for this is for genital warts). And he disappears after we've had a fight. Is he cheating on me?

[kanga_brumby]

With the information given I am not sure. There are device trackers out on the market. Where you can track a cell phone any where. Magnetic devices you can attach to various parts of the car, which will tell you where the car is with in a few meters. These ones also have listening capabilities. So if you plant it in the car, you can hear what is being said. These ones can be remotely turned on. So I recommend causation. It might be just his vanity

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Ocelot1771,

Thanks for your post.

I wish that we could all put your mind at ease and say yes or no, but unfortunately we're not super spies here!

I'm sorry that you feel anxious about this possibility, but I don't believe this forum is a place where we can justify that he is cheating (or isn't) because he has creams and fresheners in his cupboard.

[Starwolf]

Well Ocelot, not knowing where you stand sure is unsettling.

It seems the best way to gain a clearer idea will be to do some detective work. Making the difference between intuition and the workings of a mind intent on concocting negative scenarios doesn't come easy.

[Dr_Kim]

Hi Ocelot1771,

I’m thinking about this from another side. Lets just swing this around and for one moment think about if your husband was suspicious of you, how would you like him to manage his doubts ? What would you like him to think or say to you ?

I have absolutely no idea what is going on with your husband but I would like to suggest that you come to your feelings and thoughts in a couple of different ways:
 
1.Maybe  start from the assumption that people are doing their best, rather then their worst . Is there another explanation for your husband's behaviours ? Well… he may be feeling anxious about aging, he may be fearful about what his life has amounted to, he may be fearful about legacy or about what old age may mean for him and managing these anxieties by trying to appear younger. 

2. Maybe start by gently asking about what is going on for him ? Ask about how he is and how he’s going and trying to see if you can understand where he is at . Remember , if you were in his shoes, maybe starting the conversation with an attack might just make you feel defensive and want to walk away… so start slow.

Then tell him how YOU feel. That the stuff you have seen makes you worried and makes you concerned about him but also about your relationship. Tell him that you feel sad when you see these things as you feel … what ? Think about what you feel ? Like he doesn’t want to be his age ? Like he doesn’t want to be with someone your age ? Like he wants a new life ? Think about how it makes you feel and TALK to him about it . Shouting or accusations are less likely to get any answers when it comes to this sort of thing .

3. Boundaries. It is ok to then tell him what feels ok for you and what doesn’t as this is part of a relationship. Think about what you might need to feel ok and safe in the relationship. 
 
If you guys cant manage to talk it through, I suggest you call Relationships Australia or get a referral from your GP to get some help to guide you through this difficult time.