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hurt a friend, apologised, now what?

Community Member
I recently hurt one of my closest friends. something i apologised for straight away when i realised what i had done and the hurt i caused. i gave it a few days before i messaged her asking to meet up for coffee so i could properly apologise. she declined saying she needs time, is still hurt and cant forgive me just yet. i'm very understanding of this. i guess now im unsure of what to do. if we have group events coming up is it better i don't go so she doesn't feel i'm ruining her night. or if i go how should i interact with her. i feel not saying anything will seem like i'm ignoring her but if i'm too full on will seem. i dont want to lose her as a friend.
1 Reply 1

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Bon7989~

Welcome here to the forum, your problem is a hard one and I'm not sure there is a hard and fast answer as a lot depends on what the hurt was. There some things that hurt so much that they can't be taken back, no matter what.

If you want an example my partner and I have been very close for 20+ years, and if in the heat of an argument she said to me she wanted a divorce I doubt I'd recover. I guess different things for different people.

A friendship takes 2 people, and that means more than just enjoying each other's company, it means tolerance, understanding and care.

I guess if it was me - and I apologize if you may already have done this in full - I'd say how sorry I was, I understood the effect on her, the factors that drove me to do the hurt, and how much her friendship means to me, also if here was any way to make the damage right.

Again if it was me I'd not avoid her but try to be friendly, back off is she is hostile, and try again another time. Simply never seeing her allows a lot of thoughts to creep in, she might for example think you are not interested or do not care. Plus it gives her no opportunity to respond face to face.

I hope it can sort out, please let us know how you go