How we can make life long friends

[Envision]

Ok so this is something different to my other posts and I just watched this TedX talk and it has opened my eyes and I have realised why I have no friends.

Go watch this talk and then come back to this or none of about I’m going to say is going to make sense.

 

[Mod note: we have embedded the Youtube clip into this post]

If the link doesn’t work you can just search “Frienticemy TedX”.

Ok assuming you have watched the talk now relate the 3 things in the triangle to every happy friend group you have seen.

1. Are they mostly possitive?

2. Do they always spend time together?

3. Do they share their thoughts, feelings or who they want to be with their friends?

Ok, for the mojority of that the answer should be yes and me who has no friends can be a comparison. I’m 80% positive. I don’t drive nor have a job at the moment so I don’t see anyone that often (I’m 15). I have never shared anything of how I feel.

To put that in perspective 1/3.

Now test it against me, reply below if you would be friends with someone like me disregarding my age and gender. Someone who is mostly positive but only sees you lets say once every one or two weeks and only goes out with you once every two months. Is always there for you (over text) always replys to you within a day (over text), is loyal and generous. Also this “person” doesn’t talk about how they feel, but is open to talk about anything else no matter what it is.

So to sum up that, basically an online friend who you see on occasion and do things togeather rarel, someone who is always there for you and willing to talk about anything. For the most part positive, loyal and generous. Doesn’t share their feelings but will share anything for the most part and will talk to you for hours.

Ok just awnser yes/no with why you chose this.

Apart from that now use it with you and your relationship with your friends and see how you have compared.

If you know of some really close people compare it to them and if your willing to share say what you got out of 3. For example I got 1/3 comparing it to my one friend who I have been friends with for about 9 1/2 years.

Thanks for any replys, if this was helpful for you to adknowledge what good friendships all have in common than I hoped this was worth your time reading.

[JessF]

Hello Envision, thank you for a thoughtful post and for the TED video. It has given me quite a bit to think about.

I can't remember where I read it, but I've also heard a good test of how close your friends are is to imagine how many people you could call up to help you move house, and I thought that was a good one. The sorts of friends who would help you move house would score on all three of those dimensions.

It is difficult to maintain good friendships over time if you are not regularly spending time together. That said, I have life long friends (bearing in mind I'm quite a bit older than you!) that I only see once a year (if that) yet when we meet up we pick up as if no time has passed. I think though that is because when we were younger we shared many important life experiences together, another thing that is mentioned in the video.

The five-good-things to every one bad thing ratio is an interesting one too, and I think this shows how it can be very hard to keep friendships while depressed. As much as we feel a need to be 'seen' by others in friendships, depression can be a selfish illness that forces us inward, and that doesn't give us a lot of room for 'seeing' others in friendships.

Feeling comofrtable enough with others to be vulnerable is a really important one. We may feel guarded and not ready to share thoughts and feelings with others, but think about how that looks to the other person. Cold, aloof, distant? Perhaps uncaring? Perhaps uninterested in being friends even? We have the advantage of being inside our own heads and knowing our deepest thoughts and feelings, but others don't. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and risk being rejected to build a true connection with someone.

[quirkywords]

Welcome Envision . I like tedx talks and this one was interesting.

I found her point of saying why when we know so many people are we still so lonely.

Friendship is not about getting mote friends but having more meaning interactions with the ones we already know.

I have friends close friends who I only see once a year or even less. We have known each other for over 30 years and shared thing sin the past but now we cant see each other as often as we did. We are still good friends.

I also have close friends that I have not shared my inner most thoughts and dreams. The thing is you just need to have a connection.

I can see the idea of the triangle but to me all those pints may no be needed and in fact for me are no there buit I still have close friends.

Not sure this makes sense. I worry if we are told we can only have close friends if we follow a certain plan, then we maybe disappointed. When my children were young I did not have time to have deep and meaningful chats or meet up with friends but decades later I am still friendly with some of these women.

Thanks again for sharing this tec talk/

Quirky