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Buterfly121
Community Member

Hi, I am in a situation that I need help with. My brother and sister in law have ended their marriage after one of them cheated with a person of the same sex. One party doesn’t want the marriage to end but the other does. Basically I need advice on how to support them both through this as one party lives away and the other lives quite close.

Many advice would be appreciated

8 Replies 8

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi and welcome to BB Buterfly121 ☺ this is a good safe caring community

It's lovely that you clearly care about them and I imagine it's upsetting for you too. I'm wondering how you're managing too?

I think them knowing that you're there for them if they need to talk and that you care and are there to listen is a great way of supporting people in their troubled times. Maybe the odd phone call would give them the opportunity to talk if they need to.

Although I imagine emotions would be fragile atm maybe a suggestion they might want to consider is couples counselling at some stage.

I think it's lovely you're reaching out and if at anytime you feel you'd like to voice talk this is the number for here, they're caring non judgemental people as here is too..

1300 224636... anytime

You always have here to talk when you feel up to it as well

All the best darl ☺

Thank you for your reply, couples counseling won’t be helpful I don’t think cause 1 party has already made up their mind and the other is refusing to accept it.

It is really hard atm cause I feel guilty because it was my family member that has cause the other to be so upset. They both know that I am there for them and I guess it is just a matter of time before it gets better.

Hi Buterfly121 : )

It's definitely hard being in your situation, it sounds like their break up is a little bit messy at the moment. Don't forget to keep looking after yourself too.

I agree 100% with Demonblaster but I just wanted to add that it's important to not get caught up in their break up etc, sometimes when we want to be there for two people we end up being stuck in the middle.

As demonblaster said, pick up the phone, send a text or email, anything to let them know you're there for them but stay on the sidelines. As you said in your last post, these things just need time.

Just wanting to be there for them is a very good thing so well done you

Gem

Juliet_84
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Buterfly,

When I broke up with my ex-partner, the support that I found most helpful was from my parents. They didn’t take sides, didn’t get involved in the actual relationship aspects but instead let me know that they were there for me, they listened while I talked but didn’t get involved, took me out to dinner and small things that made me feel better. I never felt judged or pressured to make one decision and over time I really came to appreciate it. No one can make relationship decisions other than the people involved, all you can do is support them.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
Hello Buterfly121, can I welcome you to the site and I'm sorry that to hear that this has happened.

Sometimes it's not that easy to help someone in this situation, as one person definitely wants the marriage to end.

Whoever this is doesn't matter but one of your family members was the cause to upset one of them, so whether they have been involved or may have found out by accident.

Sometimes when you try and solve the situation you can get caught up, even though you are wanting to help resolve the marriage.

What you offer to one of them maybe suitable and terrific advice, but the other may not agree and vice-versa.

There is a reason why this has happened and whether it has been hidden away maybe have been for a long time.

It's lovely you are trying to help both of them just make sure you look after yourself and seek medical help from your GP.

Geoff.

Hi Butterfly ☺ and all

It's a shame you feel guilty it's a strong emotion that can pull us down. I just wanted to mention it wasn't something that you had any control or choice over although it's hard not to feel affected it's not something you did. You're good being there for them and yes be careful not to get drawn in the middle.

As you said about time, possibly things may change in the future but either way you're doing great being there and caring about them both.

Hope you're doing ok darl 🌿

Buterfly121
Community Member

Hi, I am in a situation that I need help with. My brother and sister in law have ended their marriage after one of them cheated with a person of the same sex. One party doesn’t want the marriage to end but the other does. Basically I need advice on how to support them both through this as one party lives away and the other lives quite close.
Many advice would be appreciated.

Thank you everyone that has responded. There has been a development in this situation, my sister in law has now decided that she wants to take her 2 children who are very young and move to the other side of the world. If it wasn’t bad enough now there is this to wrap our heads around. I am at a complete loss. I don’t know what the other person is thinking, willing to let the kids go just like that

Hi darl not sure if part of my other post will come through tjat I lost

I imagine it would be very unsettling for all concerned. A possibility is she won't follow through with emotions being so raw atm but of course I don't know her or the situation.

It's a hard place to be I hope you're doing ok or as well as you can.

thanks for keeping us updated and if you want to talk about how you're coping that's quite ok ☺