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How to get away from drugs
I got issues, unsure what but screws are loose & I'm not myself. I tried councillor's, got frustrated. I was genuinely trying to make it work
Since 14 (now 25) drugs an alcohol have been the norm near me, every way I look. Booze I dont mind as much. I got bad on it for a few years, not every week but when I did I would go all night. One of my regrets. In reality it comes back to bite me when partner & I argue. I feel dumb. Anyway grog wise I'm OK now had about 5 cans since feb.
Mainly weed is present in my life. Then beyond me, the people I care about want to do "party"" drugs and worse and I've lost a few people I considered great people to drugs in the past. As these things naturally progress for the worse.
I done bits and pieces (weed from about 15 to 21) & other drugs once a year if that. But I've always fucking hated drugs & what they do to people, except weed to an extent. So I avoid drugs & everyone I know who does them, I only ever cracked when I was beyond drunk an give in. So when mates come to mine for a beer I say no drugs or fuck off pretty much, case closed
But moving on to today
I'm a father of 2, went cold turkey off weed day my 1st was born. Been off everything but alcohol ever since. Awesome, 3 years of freedom
But a loss of licence in Nov meant loss of job due to criteria. I figured the Mrs had been havin the odd joint an no work means no drug tests, so joined in for a one off. Long story short hooks are in and for the first time ever I feel addicted. We been smoking a bag of weed a week between us since like January. No good
I caved and broke the bong about 2mths ago because I felt trapped. Like I'm in a dry circle of sand, in the middle of an ocean of people who do drugs. Another bong got pulled out immediately and it was business as usual. Dumb me should have broke both.
She wants to try shit I'm fully against & we can't agree to disagree. All I want is to be away from drugs, she is hell bent on trying more.
Next month got a mates bday. 12+ people booking a house/villa for 3 nights. Everyone will be taking drugs but me. I wish they wouldn't it was never a problem before 2020 (most been my mates for years and it's been awesome)
But no one is gunna stop. I'm not important enough to stop for an I'm lost. Me hating, & my gf wanting drugs is now affecting us as a family. Im a shell of the former me. Find it hard to talk eat or move at times.
I feel like the evilist man for trying to be a good person.Help
Thank you for sharing your story and it seems you are taking the right steps to get help.
Firstly, I'm wondering if you've thought about joining a support group? People who've been in a similar predicament may be able to help find people outside of your circle that may help keep you on track.
If you wish to take this route, I've just added a link.
You are not evil for trying to better yourself. Taking a better path is never easy and it does make it harder when you have people in your life that influence your lifestyle. I think at this point, you can't really force others to stop, you can only focus on your use and perhaps you can be a catalyst for them, but they have to want to stop and most of the time, it is nothing to do with you and it doesn't mean you're not important. Drugs can take you down a rabbit hole, which I'm sure you are well aware of, to the point you stop caring about people.
Another option is researching rehab facilities, though I'm not too familiar with this, but I'll add this link if you wish to take this route.
Please be easy on yourself through these tough times.
I hope you find the help that you need.
Welcome to Beyond Blue and well done for reaching out.
Firstly I want to say that it's a very brave and courageous thing to do, to admit that something in your world is out of control. That takes guts, and I admire you for doing that.
Secondly, I want to assure you that there IS hope. I too used to drink and take drugs, but I have now been clean and sober for 23 years. I stopped using drugs and drinking when I was 26, and started living a much better life that I could ever have imagined.
Thirdly, I want you to remember this: you are NOT a 'bad' person trying to be good, but a 'sick' person who wants to get well.
And finally, that help, if you want to have a look, can be found at fellowships like Narcotics Anonymous, and Alcoholics Anonymous. These fellowships are full of people just like yourself; people who also once thought they were 'the evilist' on earth. Of course, due to the pandemic, most of the meetings are happening online, via Zoom, but there are contact numbers you can call to talk to someone who will understand, if you want to do that as well.
The number for AA is 1300 22 22 22 and the number for NA is 1300 652 820. They are available pretty much 24/7, and are manned only by those who have also had their own experience of addiction ..... so no judgement, no booking needed, no cost and no requirement for attendance at meetings.
I do hope that helps at least a little. Take care. I'll be thinking of you. xo
Thank you. Sittin here going mad.
I'm doing what I can to manage the chaos inside my own head, step by step.
Could have bipolar myself which I explained to the dr I spoke with, but he dismissed it extremely abruptly and rudely. Saying its more likely depression. My randomly extreme high, joyful moods that last a few hours would turn to disastrous low mood swings followed by days of anger an sadness (never really been one for mood swings). It has moments of depression but I fear its much worse. My general self lately fits the description of bipolar or something more, at least from my understanding. After hearing him out & tryin again to explain I went screw him he ain't even listening to me. Might try another clinic soon.
I'm a little annoyed at myself that I went off the counselling calls because it took a leap of faith to get to that step. But even they were doing my head in, maybe I just had professionals who were incompatible to my situation and personality, I don't know. Maybe I need more hands on help.
What I do know is that I can't force people to stop taking shit that I want no involvement with. But when it's the mother of my kids & my life partner I feel obligated to put my foot down. But I just can't seem to make myself clear as she tops me in all the arguments with her better debate skills. Add to that me not wanting to lose my cool, so I just end up folding an nothing changes.
I almost made an ultimatum, I don't want to be a complete control freak though. So I held my tongue. The thought of her takin the other side (separating) of an ultimatum scares the shit outta me.
We need to be awesome people again before my kids are old enough to clue on and see damage. Last thing I want is them to be pulled down that black hole making bad choices and thinking its the normal thing to do because mum, dad & all the other adults do.
I can always find new friends. (last resort) If that's what it comes to. Problem is, all my friends are now my partners friends. And I play sport with them. Always have. So they all wanna do these things together and I'm the root of evil in the way of fun. An my partner is gunna hate me for that. An I can't see a way to be normal with my mates again.
If they wanna live that way good on em not 4 me. Hopefully making sense,maybe someone will get what I'm trying to say & see why I feel so stuck.
But thanks again.
Am I getting carried away? They all downplay how bad drugs are. I dont care. Hate em.