how to find love

Missberri · ‎21-09-2017

I would really like to start looking for a partner. I've been single for quite a long time and would just really like to find someone who I care about and who I can share everything with. The problem is I really don't feel like I'll be good enough for anyone - in terms of my personality. I'm always told I'm the nicest and sweetest person but I don't think that's something most people want to be around all the time. I feel like most people want someone confident, who talks a lot and who's great to have conversations with, outgoing and who knows exactly who they are and what they want. I have so much trouble connecting with even my friends half of the time that I feel like there's no way I'll be able to find a guy who'll want to be around me for huge amounts of their time. Ugh I just feel like there's so much pressure to be someone I'm just not but I wish I could be!

Has anyone got advice on how they've found love while living with social anxiety or any tips on how to make it easier? I feel like I'm missing out on this amazing part of life and really want to experience being with someone again, but I'm so worried I'm not going to be enough or I'll bring another person down.

Thank you!

white knight · ‎21-09-2017

Hi missberri, welcome

I know how you feel.

Without a shadow of doubt computer dating has come a long way. My daughter met her husband 6 years ago on line, then they used skype then dated and married 3 months ago.

That wsy you can get a rough idea of the mans nature, personality, hobbies sports and goals. Chatting in skype will also break down the barrier before a date.

There is someone for everyone out there. There are guys that dont think they are good enough for you!

The important thing is to be yourself. Your natural qualities will shine through. And don't give up.

Good luck

Tony WK

Guest_0087 · ‎21-09-2017

Hi Berri

This post really resonated with me. I too find myself feeling a similar way to you. Finding someone to spend your life with is a very important natural thing for us as humans. I too always get told I am such a nice person and a good guy, but girls generally only see that as enough to be a friend. As a guy, I don't need someone who talks all the time and is extremely outgoing. I often found that in past relationships, whilst i enjoyed our conversations, I loved the times when we would just be together even if not a word was said. I understand that pressure too. Often I will really want to try and talk to girls but because im introverted and have anxiety, I find that girls often dont like that. They want someone confident and outgoing. That is not me, and therefore my search for finding someone continues.

I wish I could give you some magical advice and you will be able to find Mr Right tomorrow, but unfortunately it never is as easy as they show it in movies. Appreciate who you are and accept that your personality is great. The type of person you are is special and someone will find it special too. Online dating might be a great option to try out. I know it is not for everyone, I have tried, but it does work for some people. Are there any things you have tried in terms of finding someone?

Missberri · ‎21-09-2017

Hi @white knight

thank you for your post! That's true it is a lot easier to find someone these days I guess I just need to work a lot harder at putting myself out there. I recently just moved to a new city and I guess I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and maybe missing that sense of security I had at home. I think I am ready to find someone so I will try to put myself out there even if things don't always work out. Hopefully I can find someone really special if i keep trying

@zimbos05

Sorry you are struggling with finding someone too! It can be really tough, but I think we need to realise all types of people struggle to find those deep connections with others even the most confident people and all types of people manage to find love too. Maybe don't assume too much that girls dont like you because that's something I know I do a lot and at the end of the day you can't really tell what someone else is thinking or how they really feel.. they may be just as shy as you are or think they might not be good enough!

I guess I haven't put myself out there as much as I should. I do get nervous on dates and sometimes worry that I won't make a connection or I won't have enough to say or won't be fun enough.. but I guess there is no harm in trying. One thing I actually suggested to one of my friends is to do things you actually really enjoy on dates like instead of just doing dinner or coffee something do something you enjoy like board games or theme parks or things like that and maybe that'll make you more relaxed.

But yeah I think we both just need to not doubt ourselves so much there are so many people out there there's bound to be someone who will love our qualities it's just a matter of putting in the effort to find them!

Guest_0087 · ‎21-09-2017

Yeah, I agree. It can be tough for all types of people. I think when you see other people who have relationships it just makes it worse for you, especially when you see it everywhere. In front of you, on social media etc etc.

Part of putting yourself out there is battling that anxiety though. I think we tend not to put ourselves out there often because we are afraid of getting hurt, especially if you have been hurt very hard before. I do agree with a lot of what you have said though. I suppose it is obviously against that battle with the anxiety.

Moving cities can be quite big. I moved away from home not too long ago for a few years. I moved countries though, so that was quite massive, and there were times when I really felt homesick, but often we move for a reason, so I had to keep reminding myself why I was doing what I was doing and keep working towards it. Unfortunately it did not work out all too great for me and I had to come back home after a while. Hope your move goes better and everything is smooth and you make some new friends who are awesome.

Guest_1584 · ‎22-09-2017

Nope l don't think it's a lot easier these days at all.Just read any singles threads in any forum and both guys and girls have just dated 10 times more than they could have years back that's all but still 99.9% of those so called dates usually go nowhere anyway and end up with burn out, read and heard it a 1000 times so just be careful of expectations for your own self preservation because it's only a very lucky few that ever actually get anything worthwhile out of it..like 4% or something of the millions of people online so.

But as far as personality and things ,there's someone for everyone , yaknow. Not everyone has the same personality or are super confident or 10s or the life of the party. Again that's only like 8% of people or something. The rest of us are just people , like you me or anyone else. In any real relationship , people are themselves , that's what makes it so special , that one person where they can be themselves and vice versa.

You just need the right person.