How to find happiness again!

[Chance8888]

Quick run down my daughter refused to go to school for 1.5 years. I did everything l could but in the end l had to leave work to her to sort out.

l had to leave two jobs and was sacked by another for taking time of due to her circumstance.

I am now exhausted and feel flat. Usually l strive to find work and love to get into something different.

But after two particular jobs here l find myself lost. One particular job l was physically and verbally abused.

The other job l really enjoyed but some of the boys called me a sweetheart nutter, loser, played pranks (which may have been funny if it didn't affect my work ability), told l had something wrong with me, generally the job was great working with kids and outdoor activities.

l just feel demoralised and have lost confidence.

My daughter's time off has drained me as expected to home school when l have had troubles with learning and not great with my English. The school only gave me a English book to guide her and l fell apart!

I have had memory problems and just feel pretty worthless.

My daughter at times saying she wanted me dead, ugly, can't ride, stupid, got physical but then stopped shortly after that. Told l need to be on medication or in an Mental Institute!

I know she has gone through being bullied and other things but the one person l tried for has actually pulled me down!

Knowing l should just let these things go and just egnor but l am completely stuffed!!!

My daughter has been back at school for a week and l find myself drained and useless!!

[TheSteve]

Hi Chance,

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm very sorry about what you and your daughter have been through, that is not easy on either of you and I can just feel the strain in your words.

You should never second-guess what you did for your daughter. She needed you, and you were there. You sacrificed as a parent does - everything for your child. Sometimes, this immense sacrifice can leave us drained, beaten down, bereft of confidence and self esteem, and overall feeling like we've had all hell kicked out of us. The mistake we all make when we undergo such sacrifice is we lose sight of what I call the "airplane rule".

Sounds silly right? But the airplane rule goes like this - put your own oxygen mask on BEFORE attending to others. I interpret this to life - to care for others, it is imperative that we take care of ourselves while doing so, lest we increase the odds of us both suffocating. Your own stability, happiness, mental and physical health, is critical to maintain when we care for others, our children especially. If you are strong and sound, then you have the strength and energy to bring them up with you.

However, we can only do the best we can with the information we have at the time. Your courage and commitment is testament to your love for your daughter, and I admire you for this.

So, my suggestion is that now that she is back at school, you need to work on you. A full physical, referral to a counselor, and a program to take care of your body and mind needs to be implemented. Understandably, your daughter may not yet be at a fully stable place so in this case, you may need to get help to help her. Can she see a school counselor, if needed? Do you have family to help you balance and manage the load? Can she stand on her own at times? You get the picture, help her by helping you both simultaneously.

Make a challenge of it - new diet, new exercise program, new interests, new attitude, new methods to deal and cope, new ways to relax and just breathe in the midst of it all. A total re-creation of self and the relationship dynamics around you. Don't rush back to work, take it slow. Bit by bit, you are rebuilding.

I hope this helps. Please, come back and chat if we can be of support. We are here for you.

Steve

[Starwolf]

Hi Chance and welcome to the forums.

You've had far too much on your plate recently and have been under a lot of stress. No wonder you are feeling overwhelmed. Having problems both at home and at work has drained your energy and emotions. Keeping things together has meant sacrificing a lot. Your own needs were left on the back burner so that you could focus on your daughter's.

When told repeatedly that we are worthless, we end up believing it. But you are a caring mother and a strong woman. In spite of difficulties, you have worked tirelessly to help your daughter through a rough patch. You have done a terrific job. I hope you give yourself a well deserved pat on the back.

You have been under huge pressure and it has taken its toll. Now is time to turn your attention to your well-being. First of all, I suggest you scroll down to the bottom of this page. Go to Facts and click on the "Depression checklist". This will help you find out more about your present state of mind. Next, I would book a long appointment with your GP to discuss the way you feel. S/he can put you on a health plan to help you through this difficult time. You don't have to go through this alone. Help and support are available.

And no, you shouldn't let these things go. Left unchecked, they can escalate into more complications. You deserve way better than that and your daughter needs you to remain a happy Mum.

You have already made the courageous decision to reach out. A big step forward in the right direction. Well done ! These forums are a safe place to vent your feelings and connect with understanding, big-hearted people who are/have been in similar situations.

Great to have you on board, Chance.