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How o we not get family envy, when our life is like it is ?

Community Member




Hi to all.

As a few will know , l've had my share of crap the last 5 or 6 yrs. And now it's Christmas , one of the worst ever.

l have a huge family, l've live 3 hours away from most of them this last 10 yrs, we lived interstate 13yrs before that.

l just find most of them full of lies , all huggy huggy but never there or throwing it in your face down the track. Which has happened and their own actions are never seen,only yours which are twisted an used.

the maintenance to even stay in touch asthey're scattered all over, parents have both passed so there's no family home to touch base at anymore.

Thankfully there are one or two brothers l get along with , and one or two of the sisters too.

l rang one of the older brothers tonight for christmas. It wasn't easy he lives interstate and weeee haven't spoken a few years sinccce l was last the bad guy for yet another twisted around bit of rubbish . Nother story But l wasn't sure what rrreception l'd get.

Anyway thank God it was quite good and we talked for awhile.

His life couldn't be more opposite to mine. Me an my ex have lived all over oz and traveled and moved 13yrs.Came back to vic an ended up divorced.

We use to be the envy of the family. Even in ways from this brother, yet he has the most movie like life you would ever find.

Talking to him now though, my God , the way my life's turned out , yet l hear about his.

They lives up in a gorgeous little coastal town 30yrs, his marriage is still good, loving, doting, His kids all grown and living all over the country and US , they go off traveling 3 or 4 times a year. He even married into money.

Back yrs ago when they first met, he wanted to move up there from melbourne. She wouldn't go. He told me tonight that once he married her then she was happy to go and she loves it up there . beautiful house ocean views,still in love, the kids, piles of money , all these years .

Yet here's me , lived all over the country , divorced , worried sick about my daughter and trying to be a dad to her like this.

Just bought a house 20mins away to stay close and a second base for her, don't like it, don't fit in , it's too close to ex and her new man, and so again when she's 17 next yr l'm thinking of moving, and l'm constantly haunted by the ex and her sitch, just too close.

bUT IT';; MEAN STARTING AGAIN , AGAIn , after all this time and everything that's happened , lived,yet here they are, so happy, in love, wealthy, beautifyl little costal town all these years, they'll die there.



2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi RandomX, good to talk again

A different perspective perhaps? Many years ago I decided, like many do, that "family" are people you bond with, are mates to, people that commit and help out etc. Brothers, sisters, parents etc that don't have like minds are not family in my world.

That makes things easier. However I can still contact them and have a chat. The really toxic ones don't get any contact, nope, I'm through with them as my mental health is much more important and that means stability and calm.

In fact after many years of toiling with my mother 7 years ago my sister and I mentally divorced her. How cruel some might think, a 79yo widow. In fact at the magistrates court for my AVO against her the magistrate was alarmed I needed one. The fact is my first wedding was ruined by her in 1985. My second wedding in 2011 was going to be ruined as she threatened to do so. I wasn't going to have regrets for the rest of my life that I didn't stop her. A narc she is and she lost most of her family because she lusted for control.

I digress. With other people its so easy to see things in an envious manner. Our neighbours just inherited over $500,000. As pensioners we could not imagine that. But we make do, built my own caravan and travel up the east coast every winter. A full around Oz trip last year. Cant complain. I'm rich in so many ways other than cash.

What I've realsied about money is it can be luck. Inheritance is luck. Even superannuation is luck (staying in one job for 25 years compared to many job as we spent ours when we left the job) We wont receive any inheritance. My mother cut me and my sister out, My wife has been cut out from her father as he didn't approve of me. So be it, my wife thinks I'm great and handsome...what else matters lol. Money would be nice but not essential. The biggest issue with not being in the mainstream of income is that society as a whole treats the battlers worse than others. Some Caravan parks for example don't want free camps and are pushing to eliminate them forcing battlers like us to use them at an expense we cant afford. It results in us camping further towards the inland outback rather than the coast. So be it.

You don't mention a current partner. If you haven't got one then maybe its time. Company takes the focus off others.

Tony WK

Gday Tony , thanks for the thoughts an wisdom to l might add.

My ex w and l separated 5 yrs ago and then divorced ,later on l met someone and we were together a few years but it hasn't worked out. But yep , l'd love to remarry again though if l'm lucky enough to find love again.

That's a huge thing you did with your mum but man, l would've too if that was gonna be the cost otherwise.Great views about your family Wn too , maybe l try to get things around to that level for the ones that fit whichever way. l could pull the pin but l need to be in touch with the sisters as they have the kids and my daughter , 16, needs to see her aunties and cousins at least a little bit so it's been a real nightmare. Hasn't seen anyone for 5yrs because we're 4 hours away from those ones and 8 or 9 hours driving on a christmas day is ridiculous for example , but the only time we might catch everyone.

True to form though they'll travel all over the world but won't come up to see her instead send my on guilt trips.So all that's been a nightmare .

One sister l leaned in going through my divorce because her h left her and she has kids an stuff so l obviously thought l could lean on her and vise verse, all thrown in my face few years later.

lt's all pretty damn surreal . The bro up on the coast , his wife had money and then her dad died and she had more money, bought our family holiday house of dad for half price when dad was in hard times later on. He's whole ride has been surreal but they're happy wealthy and in love still with abbeautiful family and life , world, so damn lucky.

l' love to see your van Tnony, you'd laugh when l tellyou what l do for living but l can't say here someone l know might be here and l' rather this my world. but , never the less, love to see it.

l have to digest more things you've said there , great lessons for me and thanks again. l'm happy for you and the misses too , it sounds like a lovely life really mate and money ain't the be all is it eh.

l'm happy if l can get established again after divorce and back on my feet before l finish working , it'll be close, ex w and l would be sitting pretty now yet here we are both starting again thanks to all this bs .