How much strain has Corona Virus put on your relationship ?

[Billiee]

Hi Everyone,

Thinking of everyone who is in Victoria right now, I have alot of family there and I do worry for their mental health whilst they are locked down for 6 weeks. Daniel Andrews said they can get fresh air from their front door which is sad to think about.

Corona Virus has made some MASSIVE economic impacts around the world, but some of the biggest issues are within the house hold.

How is everyone dealing with their families? Have issues risen that where avoidable before because you had freedom to go about your daily lives?

Billiee

[uncut_gems]

Hi Billiee,

Another very thoughtful and important post by you. This may not be quite what you had in mind, but maybe I can kick off the thread with my own experience:

Normally when my partner and I are both living in the US, we live long-distance because I go to school in a different state. This makes things hard but I've gotten used to it, but of course being in Australia presents additional challenges with the time zones. All this to say that while we don't share a house hold in a literal sense, you are quite right that COVID has caused changes for relationships of all kinds and ours is no exception.

Here are a few things I have noticed, and I would be curious to hear if other people have had a similar experience:

- under "normal" circumstances, she and I do a lot of commiserating: supporting one another during difficult work days, social situations, etc. With COVID, all this is heightened and while we try to stay busy, I would say just simple "I know this sucks" stuff has become a more important part of our relationship. Of course, that requires an increased maturity and honesty about what can and cannot be changed about the situation

- fun activities have taken on an even greater importance. While it can be difficult to find the motivation (especially half a world away), it feels especially important now to intentionally create fun or diverting things to keep one another's spirits up

- we both pay more attention to the really important stuff: our health, the wellbeing of our families and loved ones, and our plans for the future (i.e. living together properly when this is all over).

All this to say that like everyone else I feel the virus has put a strain on our relationship, but mainly in that I think we both feel an increased need to be strong and considerate to the other person because we both know that this is precisely the time you need to lean most on your partner (even if they happen to be far away), and make yourself available to be leaned on.

Would love to hear what other couples in different settings are doing.

Warmly,

Gems

[Leelee88]

Thanks for sharing your experience. I was fortunate enough to get married just before lockdown however now I'm wishing we didn't get married. Ive seen a lot of negative traits from my partner since being married. My nan recently passed away and I helped look after her in her last few weeks whilst still working my full time job. During this time my partner was off visiting friends and family and never seemed to understand why I was upset and offered little support. We adopted a dog who is overly attached to me, I have seen him scowling at her often in a resenful way and all he does is complain about her only loving me. We have no intimacy currently as I feel I don't have this connection anymore. He speaks to his family friends more than me and expects all the empathy from me when he is upset or down but it is never returned. His behaviour towards me is turning very passive aggressive..constant eye rolling, calling me awful things. I don't know what to do but I feel like this isn't how newly married life should be

[Billiee]

Hi Leelee88

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, it must be very hard.

It is very trying times at the moment and people are dealing with it in their own way, which is hard because know one knows what the best way to deal is as we haven't experienced anything like this before. Do you think his actions could be to do with the stress of corona virus? Communication is so important in a relationship and i understand that it can be hard for some people to express their thoughts and feelings but ensure you voice your concerns with him.

Make sure that you're not loosing any self worth throughout this time in your life and if you feel unsafe within your home reach out to a friend/family member or a hot line.

Billiee

[ecomama]

Hi Billiee

Thanks for starting this thread.

I am in a similar situation to Gems. My partner lives in the U.S. and indeed covid has put unbelievable stress on our relationship, my anxiety skyrocketed due to his work as a engineer repairing machines that make testing kits and test for covid. Can you imagine.... his name was on the TOP of the Federal Govts list for 'free to fly anywhere' in the U.S. to do this important work.

I was a mess as he flew on jets ALL by himself.. so scary.

And my partner did not see the dangers.... at first.... SO I was begging him to be careful and he was basically laughing at me.. at first.

THEN his anxiety skyrocketed as the pennies started dropping.... then he began drinking more and more... then depression took over.
There's NOT the MH support there as there is here. Well not that he can see anyway.

We broke up.

Then missed each other lol, I stopped watching the news altogether, I had to. He watched news MORE.
I got a Psych as well as kept my Counsellor, took leave and worked hard on my MH.
ALL of my children, and myself, are front line / essential workers. Their shifts skyrocketed, more work for me.
Their studies were shattered and some of them are trying to hold on by a string, as the next waves come and now more people have left their workplaces (as mine also).

I'm doing "okay" now... BUT my partner is still not.

Me being calmer helps but his anxiety / depression sets mine off too. So I really have to end calls quickly that begin to escalate me.

If I go down then my whole family goes to lower ebbs too, so it's important I keep tabs on this for me, for them.

Leelee..... I am very concerned about your partner's behaviours. You described "red flags" very clearly in your post.
PLEASE call 1800RESPECT and speak to a Counsellor about what's going on. You can do this anonymously. You don't need to give your name (I always do and they keep notes on myself and my family)... you can hide your number too.

Thankyou for reaching out Leelee. I really hope you feel welcomed and supported on the BB forums. WELCOME!

Never knew we had so much in common Gems!

EM

[Billy2668]

My right to return to my home to family in Western Australia has been taken away from me and know one will take the time to listen to my situation.
I now find myself in a dark place with thoughts going through my head that I have never had before
My life has been turned upside down my family is a mess and I’m now struggling with my own head space .
I spend 14 days at sea living in confined rooms and now forced to stay in a room in strange house in a different state isolated away from my family .
I’m told I’ll be locked out of my state for the foreseeable future.
I listen to my wife on the phone in tears and I feel helpless while I’m stuck in a room in a strange house in another state. I tell her I’m ok but I’m not. I don’t want to create a problem for her because I know what it’s like to feel helpless there is only so much words can do.
When my existing border exemption was removed I was offshore with no way home.
I feel everything I live for has been taken away from me I feel like I have been sent to prison with no release date.
My emails don’t get replied too i get a automated response. I call the police covid hotline for advise and the officer is trying to find answers off mark mcgowan’s facebook page while talking to me.
I have contacted every possible politician local state federal only to be ignored. What hope do I have? I’m just average joe who was just trying to keep a roof over his families head now I can’t even go home to them. I know there is no way home 4 border entry rejections not even a option to hotel quarantine. I’m lost

[Sophie_M]

Dear Billy2668,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming especially when you  are stuck and not able to go home. We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 
 

[akh093]

I am in a similar position, my husband is in Victoria and haven't seen him for 4 months. 3 declined applications to cross SA border. It feels like phone calls and facetime just aren't enough anymore and I wait for the day we'll be allowed to be with one another. It's so easy for others to judge our position but until they're in that reality, they have no idea how mentally and emotionally exhausting it can be.

[ecomama]

Dear Billy2668 and akh093

I just wanted to let you know that I hear you and that you are loved, valued and supported.

Please reach out here in ANY ways you want to or need to.

My own heart is breaking being separated from my partner for probably years now. My heart breaks for you and your families too.

We NEED to get through this.
We NEED to pull together in any ways we can.

We cannot desert those who care about us and those we love so much.

I really Pray there's a way for your families to reunite soon.

Love EM