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How do you approach a family member about family issues?

anon143
Community Member
I’m unsure how to start a conversation with an older immediate family member about the mistreatment my little one (3 yo) is facing from her eldest son & daughter.

The mistreatment includes name calling, having a passive aggressive nature towards my son, treating him differently to other family members the same age & similar. The two also “teach” my son to swear.

I have faced backlash in the past from this elder immediate family member. Due to the exact same treatment as a child, myself. That did not end well on my terms. How do I approach this without coming off wrong or confronting? My first gut instinct is to vent my frustration but that’s not what I want to teach my son. Advice? I want to resolve this in a friendly but firm way if that makes sense but I don’t want it to reach the point of where I’m coming off hostile or ‘coming at two family members younger than me’.
5 Replies 5

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Anon, I'm sorry about what's happening to your 3 year old, I just wonder whether you have a friend who could explain or comment on what's happening with your son or alternatively you could take that extra step and tell them off yourself, rather than mentioning it to an older member.

You could do this by a fraining look of displeasure on the older son and daughter.

Take care.

Geoff.

anon143
Community Member
I have three other family members aware of my sons mistreatment & some of them have told off the other two for their behaviour, I told the eldest son to keep his mindless comments to himself today when he called my son “dumb”. I’ve tried to remove my son from this household numerous times but he has a good relationship with another older family member (one of the people who is also aware & has tried to keep comments to a minimum) in the house hence why he is continuing to go over there still. At this point I’m fed up with it & contemplating cutting out this household and family member completely.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Anon, you can tell a young kid to stop calling your son names and making any 'aggressive comments as well as swearing' but they are only young and will normally do this behind your back, so to cut out this household and the family member may be your best option, I'm sorry to say.

I can't tell you what to do, however, this could be a good start.

Geoff.

anon143
Community Member
I think you may be right, I don’t want this to continue on because I have experienced the same mistreatment myself from this families side before & it put me in an odd place growing up. I also didn’t want to cut my son off from this household because he has a very good relationship with one relative there & continuously asks to be around that person.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Anon, this relative can perhaps be asked around to your place or meet at a hamburger shop and then a park.

He doesn't have to be denied seeing them, but it's on your terms and when your son is playing on a swing, may be you can discuss this issue with them.

Geoff.