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How can I help my partner before I lose him and my kids lose their dad?!

Community Member
My partner has recently told me that he needs his own space, that his head is a mess and he needs to be alone to sort it out... we are engaged, wedding is in 8 months and he is saying that he doesn't know if he loves me anymore, but he still wants to be around for the kids (2 are not his) and that he just needs space... he disappears for drives and sleeps out bush couple nights a week and then comes back like he never left... my heart breaks every time he leaves and then gets its hopes up when he comes back... I am a ex domestic violence victim, I suffer depression and severe anxiety, he is my first proper relationship since my other 2 kids dad... we have a son together who has not long turned 1, and has not known anything other than mum and dad being there for him... my 2 other children have been calling him dad for almost 2 years and he is the only father figure they have since their father was judged unfit and I was given full rights... I don't want any of my kids to lose him, let alone myself, but I want to know how to help him... he says being alone and going out for drives and bush ect helps, but I'm scared he may not come back one day... he says his head is a mess but he sees it as numbers and letters not words or thoughts... I don't know what to do... I had just got my own depression to a point of management and now I am falling apart and I am Currently all my kids have... does any know what I can do? I have offered to go to friends or family so he can have the house to himself (his family is too far away for him to go to) but he says no I shouldn't have to do that... I support him going for drives... I am trying to give him the space he needs as well as letting him know I care, but at the same time I am losing myself and he was my rock and now it's gone... so helping him I am losing me... can anyone help me? Any advice at all? Please and thank you for your time...
1 Reply 1

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello RuskyMae, I'm really sorry that this is happening and it's certainly not you would ever want, but also it's causing you to fall back to a place you've been before and know that it's not a place where anybody wants to be.
At the moment can I put your partner to one side, just for the moment, because now all of this is affecting you in a negative way, simply because thoughts of your domestic violence, depression and anxiety are returning, even though the domestic violence has no bearing at the moment it's still maybe something your trying to come to grips with, so when depression returns so will this.
So please let's get the help you need, you will need this for your children.
Now your partner needs time by himself, this often happens for those struggling with depression and it may seem as though he wants to be separated from you, but no, there are many thoughts going through his mind which you may not have spoken to you about and could range from something to another major concern.
How does he respond when you say he should be seeing his doctor, maybe you might have to do this for him if he agrees and if he doesn't then explain to him that this won't go away by itself, and if he can go just once to see how he feels.
You need to get the help now because you won't be able to help your kids or your partner if you're not strong enough. Geoff.